.troubled angst.
Monday now, first day of school.. back into the routine of things i guess
really tired exhausting — i really need to sleep more.. sleep earlier get more rest, however i gotta guard myself from being lazy… and just relaxing and wasting time… so here i am, writing today’s entry… to relax my mind, i guses and rant out stuff for today so i can focus on working later.
Nothing special today… we had our first ‘real’ fellowship meeting…
pushed for my proposal, but didn’t quite seem to go…. *hmph* i guess i understand where theyr’e coming from… and my own personality preference… it just feels so wrong the way we’re going to do it… feels disorganized, and personally i wouldn’t trust it to fly… it may work for now.. but… i don’t see it going very far past term 1. We have enough people, too much people even for the core group…. *sighs* I think i’m a bit narrow minded, and prideful of how i think it should be run; praying for Humbleness..
but i can’t shake this feeling that it doesn’t look good. System right now will result in a lot of backsighting (which has already happened) leaving leaders oblivious to what’s going on, leaders don’t have a true role, so in a sense, we are program based… the group doesn’t seem to have a vision… no outlook beyond hte next program, need to specialize, and focus.
ugh… reading this ‘getting together’ book in OrgSTudies is really opening my eyes to these disorganized problems… and man i don’t want to see this fellowship run like the Alton Restauraunt, delayed times, wrong orders…
yah… i’m feeling kinda down for the fellowship… back to personality thing…
INFJ — committed if i see a worthwile purpose, a future.., and i’d stick with it till it dies… yet if it seems hopeless i really don’t want to get involved..
but yah… other than all my lil dissapointments w/ the fellowship…
Gabes brought up a good point “We’ve been so used to such a structured systemi guess its good to see how others do things”
*smiles* — now i just have to accept it…
and get past my skeptism… that i don’t believe any functional organization works like that…
even YWAM their structure (the least structural system i’ve seen) is like all students / teachers share all work, but they have an administration staff which focusses on that, and students / teachers have a schedule of cooking / cleaning chores.
They know what to do, they have a purpose to play in the grand scheme of things..
*sighs* oh wells.. all the more i guess why our fellowship needs so much more prayer for it to fly… think it needs a miracle..
i need to be humbled.