pearbox : undefined

Report card day *whoop di doo*
hehes, Term 1 is finally done *cheers* the battle a third fought, a third won (?)
Marks:

The Arts
EWC4U - Writers Craft - 93 !!
ENG4U - English 12 - 91 !!
ICS4M - Computer Science 12 - 89 >.< blasted last test!!!
BOH4M - Organizational Studies - 88 !!

Maths / Sciences:
MDM4U - DataManagement - 83 *pfft… bird course.. maybe.. self learning isn’t fun teach! Teach!
SPH4U - Physics 12 - 80 uguuu~
MCB4U - Calculus 12 - 70 euh…

Average - 85
Top 6 - 87.4 + approx 2% for going to Yorkland.. 89.4… awfully close to the scholarshi mark..
aiy… gotta boost up marks, and try harder in Data / Physics

Calc - least efficient - a lot of time - leastest gain

Evaluation.. i guess from this last term… with the harder gr12/university stream ‘tough stuff’, I can conclude that the doors which lead to science, and computers are closing — and tho i can probably pull of a near 80 avg if i went and did that.. God has moulded me so that i’d be best fit in writing / business… English seems to be a real strength.. compsci high as usual but a bit of dampening as we shift into the more mathy ‘problems — tho with a class of 6 and a teacher who doesn’t really teach… and who really likes contest questions… i dunno.. not much for pulling marks, more of a balancer this year.. (tho should’ve got at least 93!! ugh.)

Prospects for University:
Cognitive Science @ York (Linguistics, CompSci, Philosophy, Psychology)
English XOR minor Psych / Business @ UTSC
Business / English @ UTSC // York (?)

*hms*
writing ?
business ?
Full Ministry ?

where does God want to put me… ?
Contemplations … submission.
fini

Saturday now,

silence finally… after a week full of disasterous work, still got quite a bit of hwk left, and what not, emotionally quite drained and lonely… *sighs* complaisant (not complacent) showing signs of ‘histrionia’ inside just empty and wanting to belong, wanting to fit in, such lonliness, and i guess its making me act weird in a sense, doing stupid things to get ppl’s attention, and relate, immaturity, which i guess backfires and i get teh subtle shaking of the head in a hard knock ‘tsk tsk’,

Verse: Galatians 1:10
Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am i trying to please men? if I were still trying to please men I would not be a servant of Christ.

my complaisantcy i guess is really taking a toll on me, wash of worry, drain of faith.. dry, w/ workload draining away..

Song: “Knowing You Jesus.. there is no greater thing”

At the foot of the cross.
To be admitted into His courts once again.

God breathed. life.

Well its almost another week again, this week has been totally way too exhausting,
for most of them days, I’ve been getting home and sleeping for 2-3 hours before getting back up to do all the hwk thats still left in my bag, my energy levels have pretty much plummetted, each day.. the short 15 minute walk up steeles to home, gets longer and longer, and my bag seems to get heavier and heavier… *sighs*
wearyness drearyness, dryness– loneliness, sadness, whatever-ness
Ironically, even though there was so much due… each of the things got pushed back, and now when its thursday..
my essay, letter, annoted bibliography, most everything has been pushed to next week *joys* hehehes, sort of feel like i’ve been slaving away for nothing… *hope i don’t burn out before i can recuperate this weekend*, tho i guess through all of this God has really been faith ful giving me enough energy to make it through the day, the wisdom for timemanagement to get through, after my nap and actually get a lot accomplished… like really… on my own theres no way i could’ve accomplished all i did, yet God led me through and i guess here i am… still tired, weary with still a mountain of work to finish up for next week, but i’m making it… *smiles* (just barely but still making it)

On top off mountaneous stresslevels / workload / burdens — physically cause of all the stress been pretty out of it, feel like i’m gonna get sick, got them ‘fai-ji’ things 2 now… as of a few minutes ago…
but yah Thank you God for it!

haha ks. i gotta go finish English log, and writer’s essay and my looming calc questions.

so till the bit of ‘free’ time i’ll have.

sunday right now, 5:49,
Just finished my sister’s birthday party… which was kinda cool, saw them kids from SCAMP again, and a few of the other ones who i only know through my sister, There was
Lianne - my sister
Naomi - one of sister’s ‘best’ friends (6 out of 7 days a week)
Innis - Naomi’s bro
Julia - my sis’ long time friend since JK
Alison - sis’ friend?
Charisse - cutie ^_^ — wanted to see her older sister tho, but she was in the car *sighs* Serena is so coool!!
last but absolutely not least, Michelle!! haha another cutie who’s really kwlz

i led games.. haha pretty weird.. played
1. Gotcha (thanks Victoria for idea lol i took it from your party *innocent smile*),
2. paperball soccer (game where you blow a piece of paper to score — the glass on the table broke cause of this :s euh
3. Bum Shuffle - haha so jokes… half the time it was just running around
4. Mafia - would’ve worked if they were older and didn’t tell everyone
and yah… other than that we ate *yum*

and i’m just absolutely tired, and headachy still got lots of hwk to do… *joys* but party was fun,

Yesterday’s praty was pretty kwlz too,
Me, Cat, Char, Stephen teamed up on the Gotcha game and we got lots of ppl, and Catherine one haha! (guess what Cat? you’re special haha! ~ doubt you read this so i win~!), me and tim played chess (finally) and we had all these really random jokes about chicken greese.. and ppl peeing on my pants, and ‘bok moung’ and what not O.o haha *cheers* to immaturity!
we (cat, char, eunice, stephen and myself) got Victoria a white blouse/sweater thing, and a bracelet, hope she likes it– since shopping for them things was awfully awkward lol going to Jacob connections, and all these other places lol but meh.. shopping is cool… as awkward it might be sometimes :p

inside i guess — i feel a new sense of peace now after the whole breakup thing, like i guess its just that depth of love… dissipated… into lil bits which are still inside, just its like a thin layer of mist– past, no longer tangible… and like many other things is next to impossible to piece together : but either way.. i’m happy i still have my friendship.. even if we don’t talk that much,
kind of funny felt a bit of inside uncomfortableness at the party… — bit of hurt inside, not pain, mix of sorrow and disapointment, saw Chris.. but mehs,

God’s my love, I’m his bride, and thats how its going to be forever, whether or not i get anyone else

Wells gotta go do my hwk essay, notes, log, and what not lots and lots and lots *gulpers*
*smiles*

+oh yah Vivian, Elaineee your scarves are mine!

Well Today is rememberance day, ironically (since i’m such the sentimentalist) this day doesn’t really impact me much, I guess its just the whole thing about them poppies, as good as they are.. you wonder where does the money go? and my school’s principle’s ‘threatening’ us more initalized me to be ‘rebellious’ and protest by not wearing ne…
and I guess yah…. if i wore one, i’d be quite hypocritical… cause i don’t really remember much about that, oddly doesn’t struck me as all that important, yes i’m thankful for all them vets and what they did, but… War… Victory.. remembering the country’s past mistakes / trials in of itself doesn’t struckme as something i really want to commenmorate.
Yet still … *hats off to soldiers and all*

anyways yah… today we had the rememberence day assembly at our school and they invited 2 YOAH reps, which spoke on… respect, (cause of our lack of respect during worship…) brought out some really good parallels, but it really sickens me.. and inside really saddened that this school ‘christian’ by name… is still like this, even guests who walk in for the first time can see it, written everywhere… its like a big glowing RED FLUORESCENT SIGN - “GOD DOES NOT LIVE HERE” ugh… i guess waht really saddens me was after the insightful rebuke / correction from the two guys, many of my class mates mocked them, and just trampled over ‘pearls like swine’ — the objective truth, blatantly obvious truth — God’s messengers and stepped on…

so yah *sighs* not the greatest thing…
I want to do something.. yet the fellowship seems more of a frozen shell which restricts movement (bowl which covers light)…
seems so yeah… which i guess is our fault, lack of organization, lack of initiative, lack of passion… inner core disrcepencies,
and what i see…. as a soon coming downfall…

ship seems doomed to sink, shipwrek — can’t do anything on the ship but throw over the cargo and wait on God..
christianitywise… i guess that’ll have to happen on a self initialized level… rather than through the fellowship.

but yah..
tomorrow… Gabes is gonna get his wisdom teeth taken out, *ouch* praying for him.. hope he’s ok and he gets a quick recovery,
DataTest… after school, gonna go to STC w/ Cat / Char get a gift for Victoria, (party saturday), then probably come back home and start on my essay, and hopefully install Yoper (if its finished downloading..)

*sighs*

Set me on fire.. take this heart of mine, with your love inside,

Friday… well almost Saturday now 11:55,

but yah… today was pretty awesome!
After School…
me and gabes went to fairview again, and we met up with Jen, Juliet, Celine (and Emily), kinda funny how i totally don’t remember any of them (save Jen…) cause of the whole massive SARS thing, depression thing, and just wow… its like i remember next to nothing about TC days… but yah so awesome that they remember me, and my name and all of that… *smiles* you girls rock! (haha doubt you’re gonna ever read this) anyways yah… after all of that… me and gabes split 5 tacos + JUMBO fries on the bus lol that rocked

Sandwich run…
at first it went kinda breif… not much just handed them out not much convo.. felt rather awkward.. but then we got to talk to a few ppl… and I was really inspired by how some of my team members would justs w/o hesitation give up their gloves and hats for them…. genuine love for these people who we had come to serve… find over this past while.. I’ve sorta lost focus of God.. tho i do devos and all.. it doesn’t seem the same, doesn’t seem real… its like love… w/o romance… like separated far ways… or what not.
hms.. yah… after gabes, sherman and i went back… gave Al and his lady friend some hamburgers that was realy cool… just conversation and listening to them, *sighs*
rekindles that lil dream of mine… to invest $50 or so dollars a day… together w/ gabes, cat or whoevever downtown early in a warm summer morning, we can find a homeless person, and buy them breakfast, lunch, dinner, buy them some stuff, talk… witness for Him…
just seems that if in these short sprintive sandwich runs (Gabe’s term - Sandwich WALK works so much better !!)… just even if we can spark up a good conversation… and it can last pretty long… how much more.. and to shower… flood even God’s love on them…
yet still a dream… dunno… i could just be under hte infuence of euphoria *smiles*

*cheers for everything God has done today*