pearbox : undefined

hms.. i really should get to sleep getting so late, being so uneffective with my time.
I’ve been realizing lately how… i’ve got so many aspirations i want to persue, so manythings i want to do, so much stuff thats cluttering all my time (and so much stuff i don’t get done)
lets see…
1. get digital camera / learn photography
2. finish setting up Linux and migrate
3. finish java / start learning php
4. learn - photoshop / master live motion / flash / learn 3d max studio
5. improve on promiseland thing
6. revert site to ‘pearbox’ theme
7. get good marks for good school & scholarships (haha york!)
8. go out w/ friends, enjoy life.
9. go out and spread God’s love — share life
10. improve my interpersonal skills / leadership and such
11. extracurricular activities / sports
12 soup up my computer
13. get a job so i can actually do a lot of the mentioned ^
14. live life… outside a pile of text books and hwk
15. so much on and on..>
16. get on w/ them ISUs –gotta NOT procrastinate
and ontop of all of that get close to God — and live a worshipful life for Him.

so much i want to master, so many mixed priorities, so many intellectual / creative hobbies i want to develop in.
yet life is seemingly restricted to the 3 month block of sheer freedom — in which il’l most likely be filling up with #13, and when i’m done w/ that and actually have money. to do some stuffs, i’ll be off to university having again… less time to really focus *mudpuddles* life is so fantastically enjoyable.. yet so marginably manageable..
key to get at —> most of those things will pass… temporary… gotta focus on whats important God, thats why I want to so desperately life a life of worship for him.. that in my activities i can still live for him.

something of a reflection — Winter the season for ‘materialisticness’
been really driven to buy that camera *lust?* lol yearning for it — so much i’d want to do with it,
and i go to friend’s places and stuff and is see masses and masses of tech stuff which i’d really love to indulge in (again… technology related… - my ‘religious interest’) or at least develop myself and master, yet i come back home and i look at my meagre set up… quite impressive my 19″ monitor, boasting a robust 512 DDR, scanner, the rare antique of the ancient LBP series Canon laser printer, my equally if not older Yamaha sound mixer (a rare specimen), my obselte high quality LD player… not a bad set up indeed… tho it lacks update.. it lacks that lustre of what is ideal.
Everyone else might have the coolest phones, games, internet, peripherals, cameras, video, whatever….
i just have my stack of copied liscensed software… add some opensource (which i haven’t gotten to using much of) and my human nature whines, grumbling that i dont’ have enough..
greedyness? unsatisfied? indeed…
yet i look again, whats the difference…. why don’t i have all those fancy crazy fast computers and stuffs…
same middle class level… then i realize God’s love, my parents’ love to sacrifice those things for my education, for me….

*sighs* — ungrateful lil me…
i owe them all.