pearbox : undefined

Well its 2:50, right now, after promiseland and all that other crazyness,
*sighs* not as great as i’d had expected kinda stressed, disapointed, and feeling defeated,
and again back home a bit lonely.

promiseland was ok, scheduling went totally of course cause we didn’t have time to set up the mat, and so we sacrificed time for that, and when we actually got back with the program, the other classes were hurrying us (*sighs* miscommunication), so we went out and it was ok… starting get a bit of control over of some of hte other class’s kids whom are really ‘wild’, they’re quite for the most part, while the teaching is going on, back in small group tho that was crazy, kids everywhere playing yelling shouting, patience thinning out, hitting maximum tolerance level, and i’m kind of sad… so many hopes, seemingly dashed to pieces cause i couldn’t manage the class
we ended up going over time 12:15, and even then we were barely through the activity, so i did a quick wrap up..
i feel sorry for the few whom really want to learn, whom really want to listen … i want to open myself up to them and have a good time, and yet most of my time is again dashed to pieces and i find myself talking firmly at them, wanting to wack a few of them (i haven’t yet.. and really don’t want to), *sighs* — frustrations i had fault in it myself tho, not prepping quite as much as i wanted to.

A bit of cheerfulness, one of the kids was really happy that i was teaching, another asked how long i was teaching and wanted me to teach another term, had some good conversations about new years and such, but man… those annoying kids really spoil it for the rest. I think i might have to change my control style… giving them too much freedom, might have to apply a stricter control in class, and get more of them to sit outside if they don’t want to participate… tho i really hate to do that,

blah
frustrations stress dissapointment

oh wells… got lots of work to do today
mainly English Mini-Essay | Calculus / Physics Practice? (hopefully) | Organizational Studies (type up notes) | client (website)
7-8 hours… God help me

_________________

well its 12:40 and Adwin just sent me the craziest thing!

right click save as

you’ve got to hear it!!

Well its New Years — Jan 01 05 !
And I guess its another night of missing out at church *sighs*, got so much work to do, and today was (from productivity’s view) totally wasted. Woke up at 10 really tired / sick last night with cough, and i started my debian installation, when my parents announced we were going out to my aunt’s house for lunch, so we went there, and ate which was cool got some time to talk w/ my grandfather and got food for him & my grandmother, after that the kids — my sis and them 2 lil cousins of mine wanted to go skating so we went skating, and i brought out my really old skates, which barely fit me, and i skated around w/ them while our parents watched from a few metres above (this was at the new McCowan community Centre place), anda that pretty much burned time till 3 something, it was fun, skating — solitude again, alone in midst a crowd w/ God, myself and my cd player, i was suppose to watch them kids which i did skated around them and kept an eye out for them i guess, then i went off for a few spins and resumed watching them… darn skates didn’t quite fit and my feet ended up feeling really cramped up in the limied area inside the skate… mehs. it was fun, for ol’ times sake, wish my friends were there tho — miss them all,

Today been kind of weird…. kept zoning out and just watched as everything went buy, my mind felt void of thought except thoughts of wanting to be with my friends, haha darn loniness! thankfully God touches me and it turns to solitude, in which i get a peace of mind
But yah lots to still today…. 7:30 — there was that Misisons Conference which i wouldn’t miss but somehow here i am missing it, at home prepping for promise land, hoping to finish soon though theres a lot of material and i gotta read it and meditate on it a bunch more cause i’d feel really bad if i let my own selfishness spoil the kids’ oppertunity to get to know God. In addition to that i really wanna finish that website, and do at least a bit of calculus so i can focus on english tomorrow… *sighs* busyness - stressfulness :: bla

On top of that i’m itching to play with Debian, after so long, waiting for the new release and finally setting it up properly — still got to configure the video card, and config whatever else for migration, and man what a bad time it is to migrate… i should’ve worked harder at the beginniing of winter break, *sighs* oh wells…

I guess my break is about over, gotta get back to promise land stuffs…
missing all these church things, i wonder if i’m slipping and falling away from God… I’m so not used to it… so used to doing stuff, attending stuff, oh wells, i guess i’m busy enough with work — for that camera? ha talk of fools, initiating a new hobbie now lol crazytalk.

mehs — hope my sister is doing ok — i miss her… she’s sleeping over at my cousins’ hosue, so quiet here, how i realize how much i cherish her now when she’s gone.. and even this mere day and a bit.

loniness, solitude, finding peace…. > God.