in silent desperation.
Darkness swarms me..
and I peer around, left and right, left and right
I see nothing, as I lash into the darkness
nothing, yet i hear that heckling yell
that squeamish scream
they surround me!
frustration grips me..
i cry out as this void of vision
takes me and hurls me to the ground
my tears flow as i feel fall and hit the ground..
again the patronizing laughter resounds!
“where is thy God? Where is thy God!”
fear instills me..
I try to get up but a hard entangled kick flings me backward
Another kick and i find myself face first in mud..
i plea for mercy…. i pray for redemption
yet the sound of wickedness continues to come
silence - as if all the horrors were frozen
hope awakens within me..
I peer around and suddenly the darkness is gone..
Instead a dark red fills the sky…
I look up– and watch as that rugged cross stands above me
i try to grasp the image of it but it spins around in my mind
untouchable– feeling unreachable
God — Father, please!
I feel as if i’ve fallen, and let darkness have a foothold within me, I cannot concentrate on you, my heart isn’t there, but you know inside i am just yearning to be with you, yearning to worship and serve… and yet i fall, i fall.. i can’t do this by myself, Jesus, forgive me… take your lamb from this tangled bush, Take him up from this place, I plea of you…
*sighs* - gotta focus - gotta live for him, him alone.