pearbox : undefined

wells March 22,
I feel numb, like the first year, and every year since then.
Not really thinking much just swimming in my convoluted sense of mindlessness, its horrible, sorta just wasting away like a potato.. more so that all these family things seem to circulate around 04 02, how ironicly chinese superstitiously coincidental. grim. but yah, my dad drove my grandfather to the hospital and he came back a mere hour ago… no sleep the whole night *sighs* — if only i got over my own sense of insensitiveness. this numbness, inside i care, i want to do something.. but to no avail, i’m unmoved — arguably indifferent if it weren’t for my soul & heart & mind caring.

Next to that hallucinated mess of ideas, and thought, i guses i’m just struggling really hard to get working on my essay… got everything pritned and zipping through my pages of research which is a pain to go through… my outline probably has to get revized, and finetuned… tho it seems whenever i did it, it wasn’t as bad as i thought — tho still underpar yet quite a brilliant piece of organization… yet all in vain cause i can’t get anything written and on to paper let alone the computer…

oh darn lazyness. oh darn uninspired umotivated writing assignment

oh *mud puddles*

thud

albeit vanity holds temporary satisfaction
immininent struggle is to occur..

oh fates uncease
eyes open to reality
let fire again light the housetops
and shine direction for mine eye.

. : . : . : . : .
convoluded turmoil.