pearbox : undefined

hms to explain my philosophy behind not ‘celebrating my brithday’ the way people usually do.(Read last few paragraphs of entry directly below)

is simply because that ‘birthday’ is exactly what it implies, to me… it celebrates teh ‘birth’ of the person.. and though one would think that we celebrate that person, i believe that it is more the life of that person. So my theories behind my special apprecation of friends is that i am celebrating my life, and guess what makes my life as enjoyable and blessed? my friends! thats right YOU (assuming you’re actually one of my friends and not JUST a random blogstalker

so yes… plans to celebrate hms i dunno we’ll see
-gabes is out on trip to chandos from wednseday to friday — so dunno if thats workable for that weekend.
and whomever else — we’ll see how much my budget is.

contnues to contemplate in subconscious.*

wow… i haven’t sat down for so long and just indulged in my reading such a long time… miss it so very much :), books are the gems to life *smiles*, but yah was aroudn 2-3ish something, when i started to work and after sqabbling around not being motivated i decided to just read one of my books that i have prepped and ready for my writers isu, I read Linus Torvald’s biography ‘just for fun’ which i found quite inspiring, infaturating, and most of all fun :P. funny analogy he had to explain the ‘meaning of life’ was that everything we do, is motivated first by survival, then by social standing, then ultimately everything goes to fun. quite true in the examples he gave..
sex - war

sex
– survival of human species.
– social thing weird.. but so true.. especially in our society)
– and entertainment.. ‘they sky is blue’

war
– survival - destroy the enemy between you and your water hole (source of water — survival)
– social - establish social order - ‘victor’ vs ‘defeated’
– entertainment - CNN & video games etc..

rather twisted philosophy but true for the most part, general — seems to resemble Maslow’s pyramid excluding the altrust part.
but yah i dunno feels kind of weird if i give a much mroe detailed review since i’ll probably be reviewing this book in a few hours after i finish reviewing the manticore.. but yah it was really inspiring — and i could so relate to it — cause i’m nerdy & outcast, even though i know my life wasn’t for that purpose of being so computer ‘focused’ — it reminds me and & spurs that inner desire to do something as grand, if not more for my God.

anyways through all of that… something i wanted to ask for all of my well caring friends whom visit this humbe lil site..
since it is fast approachign my birhday, i would like to request that you keep it low key, i want it to be as unnoticed, and untalked about as possible. That means, to leave it out of your livejournals/blogs, forums, msn names, massmailing, announcements etc… all inclusive.. — as usual i just want to celebrate it with my closest friends… want to treat 1-2 of you to dinner and do something kwlz liek that and maybe go shopping get some gifts for people i want to show my appreciation for.

Once again — i want to have a birthday where i don’t have a cake, rather a time i can appreciate the people i want to.
+too bad its smack in the middle of ISUs… next week : oh wells — all the more easy to hide i guess,
inspite of that i still wanna spend some special time with a few of you, before or after… therse Victoria Day weekend, tho theres CC & that CoreGroup thing (note i’m not part of core group…. not sure if i have to go)

but yes — for those of you who plan on giving me birthday beats — i will now forewarn you that i will fight back.
~> luckily my birthday is on a thursday — so hopefully i will avoid needing to retaliate. (Note - if you’re a girl i’ll run away)

well yesterday was pretty fun… fixed up my code w/ the new algorithm for total ownage… course most everyone is doing taht tooo so i dunno how ‘good’ thats actually gonna be. monday there’s a tourney, tho i’m probably not gonna add anything to my code… its 5kb uncompiled and 6 compiled (class file), so whatever meanwhilst gotta work on writers / org studies / calc this weekend.
Dedicated working… with a bit of blogs scattered throughou the day, calc for inspiration to writing writers… and reading / taking notes for orgstudies if my mind is too tired… gonan be tight :S

So after school.. went out w/ Adrian to Fairview and we walked around ate some stuff and went to gaming stores –> compusmart/eb and he got some Resident Evil Fall out thing, lots of fun & jokes along the way haha Adrian such a funogre (rofl hogs fun). and bussed over to grandma’s place to pick up dinner and my camera… which didn’t happen cause my dad didn’t bring it : oh wells.. then went to get a hair cut and headed over to Aletheia.

Aletheia, rec, and once again i’m pushed back into the overspectrum of things, I am and always be the lil guy in the corner who doesn’t quite fit into anything… rofl not to be self-pitiful or anything thats so negative ridden… just that sports for free time, theres basketball with all them guys — and haha i can’t play basketball.. i can shoot about 20-30% most usualy 10% :p, i can’t play hackeysack cause i’m not very hand eye-coordinated.. not to mention the high level of dexterity that is required. I can’t really skip w/ the girls & the few guys cause… well skipping is scary *hides face* and requires a sense of rythem which most ppl will know i have none.. thus i have discontinued my lil invsetment in guitar…, volley ball i could play but cause of my late wrist ‘cringing’ i don’t really wanna risk further pain to my rather weak and already really thin wrists.. - (anyone know how to build ‘muscle’ er… fat/’meat’ there?) that about sums up most everything… so i just sorta hopped around, till someone ingeniously pulled out a frisbee and that i can play (rofl wimpy wimpy meee :P) and after throwing it around.. rahter horridly cause you don’t want to throw too ahrd and hit someone, but not too lightly cause then it spins out of direction… we found these lil carts and sat on them (sharon, shirley, stephen, kmel & janice (i think her name is lol.. sorta dazed) playing monkey in the middle.. this again i could play so i put my heart into it lol ‘agression’ as Sharon (Chu) called it… lots of fun rolling around and falling off cause i’m exerting too much force and overiding inertia thus pushing myself off.. mehs.. i find that even though i can’t play them sports i try to put my all into it… which usually doesn’ yield much more like high energy input, lil or no point output :p but yah sprained my foot during a game so trying to heal that up today… yuck i hate injuries… & sports somehow cause lots of those. bleh.. realize my sport range really goes along… hockey (most ‘tough sport’), pingpong, chess (’mind sport’) and the sort… kinda funny cause we don’t play any of that so i find myself sorta without friends yet i know if i join anything i’m sure to have one of my close friends there rather ironic and fun.

wells thats about it — hms don’t really wanna do those shout outs… i have ppl i can mention by name they’ve just i guses passed my realm of close to me… friendshipwise. — course a lot of those last one’s didn’t really enter into this ‘realm’ either… bleh
I will now hereby — cease further shoutouts in this ‘celebrated shoutout fest’

bla bla ~
*cheers*

> onto work.

*yawns* man fell asleep… gotta finish writing english
hms wonder whats going to happen tonight… no one to go movie watching / camera hoppin with me *tears* :
oh wells myabe i’ll go myself before aletheia or find some place i can stash my sleepy lil head… and get a haircut
+if anyone wants to lastminute me cell is 416 312 5211…….

ahhh - —- >back to english ~!~

Organizational Studies — done finally ugh!
n00b autocad + novice photoshopping + ‘advanced’ powerpoint
*fun* now to burn it all on a cd and do the presentation tomorrow… ugh these late nights are starting to really wear me thin :S

argh… english hwk isn’t done… my right arm is killign me… stiffness… too much comptuer typing / mouse… argh… ergonomics ahs failed me and i can’t stop till i finish this stupid project argh…. after heckling a bit i’m getting the hang of it… tho i can’t wait til i can export to my more native photoshop to touch it up my right hand wants to fall off pain… *eeek must not get carpal tunnel*

its at late nites like this where i wish i had someone who i could talk to, someone who would understand, someone i could hug and pray with *sighs*

much work.. tho 1:16 isn’t late yet so i can manage i guses… *gulp*

… getting it done… but i feel this friendship is taking a hit… unwillingness to fullfill promise, a bit of miscommunication, late night, selfwishes / routine — crap…..

lesson learned - if possible — don’t ask ‘acquaintences’ for work even if they’re enthusiastic, willing to help, even if they owe you a favour and say its all good and waht not… friendship after all has its limits… those without that depth of love i cherish so much in my inner circle / inspired friends… the subtle difference — takes me and knocks me down. unfortunate. learned — now to face the result…

i can just hear that hint of disgust/annoyances undertoning those supposedly blank msn messages. argh.

don’t bail out on me now.. plz don’t…. >.<

whence i ask — i get accepted at first with enthusiasm…
thens it comes the last most vital times — i get denied, and they tell me to do it myself….
and i don’t know how.. what am i to do *tears* — diplomacy… selflessnes, prayers… don’t fail me now … ahh :S

they go out to:
Gabriel, my late night partner in isu fighting — hope he gets his english isu done asap! so he can sleep and actually ahve energy for his g2 test!!

Swirlee or “~lee” - whole thing at school w/ thems ppl who are ‘bak guah / gossipy /annoying’

~