pearbox : undefined

*sighs* first morning after prom night and i woke up at 6:02 AM today and looked around seeing the pretty red sunrise rising just over the houses that are at the end of the circle… and that infatuated affinity sorta just hits a brick wall as i realize… i won’t see my dear friends as much anymore… i find that even though i didn’t really talk to some of them that much — that deep inside i really treasured them and as we draw apart now… the few memories we have seem the paint the morning air…. haha just like when i sat up on my bed today.. sorta saddened : not gonna see them as often… and some of them again : *sighs*

i really miss them — gabes & nathan especially my two faithful and dear friends whom have been there with me all these years through thick and thin past the good and the bad, then tammy, and alison, johnny, a whole lot of everyone… kinda sucky the feeling tho friendship we’ll keep growing and striving towards God forever

today went to church early and was just blown away by God’s presence and my deep heartfelt desire to worship him… his loving embrace just lavishing in his grace… with song, with action, with thought— just wholely saturated in him — that inner joy that fills *smiles* to know that despite the leaving of some of my closest friends that God is always there as my ‘bestest of friends’ and my beloved.

the challenge in today’s sermon was recognizing God’s call to service and responding in a humble, self recognizing, yet faithful way… a few thoughts which blazed past my mind during the sermon was… i’m done high school and now as i embark on this part of my life what will God call me to? To me i would love to serve out on the missions field with Gabes & Cat or any of my close friends just working together in a partnership before God — i toyed with the thought of celibacy (O.o) since some of the vanity of a ‘romantic type’ relationship has been shadowing my resolve for some while… kinda a crazy, bold and unorthodox thought which if God ends up calling me to is gonna mean a lot of transformation — just cause of my own weaknesses to particular sins, my occaisional emotional flares and what not… tho i think — if i can get past and live a pure life, fullfilled — and have my friends there serving w/… i’d love to have that oppertunity to serve wholeheartedly and worship wherever and however He calls me to. Another interesting thought that flickered through my mind was writing — i’m not particularly good at writing i can write artful or professional sounding things which are filled with extended sentences… and decorated with images and things… was thinking how cool writing devotionals would be… i mean think about it each day you spend time reflecting on the word, just communing with the Father — just meditation adn writing in a creative inspiring way… on top of that — you serve directly to people by directly scribing what God desires for them to hear…. and you still have time to serve and do all the cool things God has prepared for you to do… way cool pay is probably not as crazy but — an interesting thing to do nevertheless… maybe i’ll try writing a bit more of those reflection type things sorta like my spiritual infant post…. i like writing those.. mehs..

turns out i’m not going north this coming week… instead going to JMC 05 — joint missions conference… *sighs* don’t really wanna go… but guess through all teh avoidence and my parents finally deciding to go, God might have something to say — and hey it’ll be cool to step out in to the open… tho i miss my friends so very much *sighs* at least this will be ONE conference i will be going to… haha skipped so many this year — which is unlike my usual thing… bleh

oh… and got my ugly dell today — got linux running on it.. quite a bit ways off from configuring it to its optimal performance and eye candy… but its pretty good got 3 hours and 10 min of juice in it, DVD reader CDRW(?) sorta just stumbling along on the unfamiliar interface… funs —

wells thats all for now la.. *hugs & cheers to my friends*