prose – a beautiful world.
today when i woke up from my depth of slumber i knew it was a beautiful world
the sunlight gently touched my face, and painted me with its soft blossoms
and as i got to my feet i knew something was new, something fresh and never heard before
It was a new freedom, a new affinity, and altogether a new perspective.
In the late hours of last night, i had been broken… alone and lost
having only a dear writer and a loving musician to hold me back
as i stared down into the abyss i called my life..
tears streaming down my face…
a heart broken, and bitter in its very essence… endrenched with tar.
And yet… they held me, as loving friends do… ever sustaining me
as my soul cried… i wanted to run…and vanish
to disappear from this life…
yet in today — i’ve been reunited with my Beloved,
and such a warmth it brings…
such a beautiful world He is to my life.
in this silence, in this resilliance of love..
all seems dim, and i am freed once again.
*sighs* well woke up at 6.. and then 10… pretty much wasted the better half of the morning (6-10), oh wells, got a nice bit of quiet time in with God which was really refreshing… and as i just reflect on what most people have been talking to me about… well i find i’m in a particular corner — yes.. i am still trying to cope with the ideology… of a corporation… this hinders me greatly… cause like i invaluably learned in my few weeks of work… when a particular object grows in magnitude.. or more importantly frequency… in size one no longer can care about all teh details, the focus when something is that big is usually the bottomline, not the process — it doesn’t matter so much as how much streamlining one can do, but overtly on whether the task is accomplished, things naturally begin to be wasted… and since its the season of making great purchases… we can throw out perfectly good and useful things… which in this context is good and all… from someone like me who takes value in little things.. its a bit hard to swallow… but hey thats how God made me 
so i can only try to begin to understand this
something exceptionally important is what Cat encouraged me with yesterday… reminded me about submission, and how if one wants to change ministry… its better to stay on the inside and try to influence that way rather than looking on from the sidelines.. which is so utterly true… i dunno… i just want to stay clean and washed of this silly bitterness and anger… being angry at somethign i love so much makes me sad… and i’m allergic to sadness 
it makes my eyes watery… and i begin to sniffle … heh :p
as for the whole resignation thing…. i’m still praying about it…
i know that objectively beside my emotions and anger — that i have been meaning to step back… since this web ministry stuff really has lost its lustre… i’ve lost my passion for it… even for my website… i want to do one more final update… and maybe be done with changing aroud layouts and things.
*cheers* we’ll see.
special thank yous to my dear artist & musician friend — you know who you are *cheers*