the fullness of His love.
*edit:* Jason Upton - Free Chapel… some soothing Holy Spirit led worship
mixed things on my mind lately…
*spiritually*
the first my spiritual ‘condition’ which is sort of a mix into numerous thoughts — that yearning / desperation to be in His presence, be completely endrenched in His Spirit… just dripping of His Love… yet I don’t seem to be as ‘amoured’ or romanced… I feel like I’m one removed in my walk with Him.. Not that I have doubts, or things in the way… I just feel… an insensitivity, a callous discernment of Him. I’m not in a pitch dark room, where I’m sorta trying to find Him — I know He’s there and my relationship with Jesus is ever so tight… but I don’t know… I miss Him — I miss that in depth intimatacy of resting, conversation, listening, His all out Love & bits of romance… (metaphorically speaking as usual).
I hear Him, but everything feels one removed. People whom I look up to for their depth, courage, & spirit — each confirm His working, His Love, His Word & call. The Word itself speaks loudly… but I just feel everything is going to my mind — It’s in filter where I’m not dependant of my emotions and ‘feeling’ of God — but I’m pushed to faith, to trust — the word with my mind. to trust His whispers however silent they are to my ears — with my mind. It’s interesting I guess, but I miss that embrace - that warmth. It’s like reading a love letter, or listening to a voice message, verses talking to that person, spending time with the person — everything seems somewhat removed.
On one hand i feel uneasy because I am broken and truthfully i can’t do anything without being in Him. I am a victim of fear, I am a victom of being emotionally drained… but in Him he guarentees over and over — that I become whole, I become more than a conqueror, I attain the spirit of power, love and of a sound mind, I am taken from a child who knows nothing, to his beloved who is equipped to do all things… Its hard because I don’t sense Him as loudly — but in my heart I know He is here, He is speaking — His Love endures forever.
so yeah… desperation stirring — yearning… just ahh I need so much more of God! *breathes out* mms..
romance sparks — but its in times where romance the ‘outward’ expression of love — are not fully experienced that a relationship grows most full, and most strong…
*CCF co-Chair Elections*
A few of you asked me if I wanted to serve on committee or something… I really don’t know.. I don’t have a particular burden in a certain ministry, nor do I feel quite urged to jump into the ‘typical 2nd year role of leading frosh cell’ I really don’t know. Nor do I really want to choose because — what He’s been showing me bit by bit — is just, forget it perry — relinquish your will. And I have found utter joy & cheer in that… so really.. I don’t know.
I want to love… I want to give my all… whatever it may be — just let it be in God’s will & His grace.
*school work*
not too stressed, beginning to get worried.. since its getting close & tight. Basically my schedule is as follows:
*Month of April–*
3 - Philosophy Exam
6 - Visual Arts / Humanities Essays
8 - Linguistics Exam
9 - Humanities Exam
12 - Psychology Exam
so all in all quite the crash of wonderment & workload. It shouldn’t be too bad provided I get the two essays out of the way by next weekend… But I think I will be declaring MSN silence quite soon — perhaps now… just cause I really need to get through this 
I’ll stick to writing a few blogs once in a while… but MSN should be quits for the next few weeks.
*randomness*
tehe! i love making people happy — makes me all warm & fuzzy inside yay!
+ confirmation on aletheia side? - relinquishing treasury duties in a month? 
hey…glad you’re still listening even when your relationship w/ God isn’t all “fuzzy” all the time LOL.
hey about elections..lol one of the things about our’s is that even if only one person is running for a position, there’s a confidence vote so they have to get 50% + at least 1 votes to go on exec…trusting that even if they don’t get it, God will provide someone else in time…..and one girl..in her sharing thing that night..she said, “I don’t feel that there’s a specific call for me to do this, but I’m going to let God and you guys decide.” It was an interesting perspective, I think.
cools—our fellowship is slightly smaller (roughly 40-50 ppls) so we had this rigerous filling of forms—and then those ppl got picked and they are in committee (so i’m on committee) the votes are more to vote for the co-chairs… slightly different system so that if 5 people are running for one position, after elections you won’t have 4 people who are almost equally qualified doing nothing.
fun w/ them systems.
cheers
i loved the joan of arcadia season finale, the way she couldn’t see or hear Him properly and was convinced that “God doesn’t exist”… but He was there and He watched over her, even though He didn’t try to wake her up or change her mind. i thought that was very sweet. but hard if you couldn’t see cool-guy God standing beside her, like joan. haha i dunno, random.
anyways BOO systems!! >:p