summer melody.
here comes summer melody
can you hear it ring?
with smallish jingles, and a loud ka-ching!
randomness..
today was a bright and fun day.. started off in a drag but quickly brightened up after a short fun phone call, a few random messages and a last minute get together with Nathan 
all in the name of good times and getting back into the field and season of summer, times care free, relaxed enjoyment — nostalgia, memories, & cheer. They just never get old.
A few really cool things to think about and that is — looking high and low for those pesky little creatures known as summer jobs, whilst typing up cover letters, resumes, and filling out application forms all in great volume to increase the probability of getting a job.. Rather fun and straight forward, especially for a desperate university student who needs to get some funds to pay off tuition, books, and transportation for the next year. That is — fun until you realize you printed the wrong resume :p whic his what happened to me yesterday when i was dropping them resumes at half a dozen locations until i noticed.. “oh look! my objective says something about good shepherd day care..” oops haha quite the narsty, confused, ‘i don’t know what to do’ but meh, God is faithful, gracious, and calls us to be faithful and NOT successful. He is sovereign, and regardless of all the big screw ups we make — He perfects them in His time, in His way — beyond all imagination/hope/prayer.
Some interesting stuff tho — just going to the mall again, felt a little pull to go to some other stores which i wouldn’t have gone to like Eddie Bauer, Japan Camera, and what not and found really friendly people so perhaps my mistake might be something else…, its fun tho to feel embarressed about messing up a resume and going back asking them to change it — really humbling and at the end of the day — it helps me think clearer about what i’m getting myself into, how i am no longer just a child — but rather a fully autonomous adult, with a bubbling future, full of potential and all that fun self confidence stuff. I gotta be assertive, confident in who I am in Christ — and breath prayers are really helpful, so are ‘prayer songs’ and just going off spilling of what the Holy Spirit wants me to sing.. and listening to myself — self edifying.. & comforting… gets me to think… about one of Raineer’s prayers about releasing ‘prophesy’ and stuff… meh,
speaking of which I’ve been subconsciously contemplating a lot on my future, about what God wants me to do, the gifts he’s given me… direction… what to do now.. and like what am i doing now to get towards this ‘goal,’ do i really want to apply to all these stores and get a job? should i stay at this church? should i go to another church which might help me grow more in Spirit & foster them charismatic gifts? since its gotta be that balance between Word & Spirit. Occaisionally I think about Seminary, since one of my friends plans to go in 2007 — and i’m thinking… masters of divinity? theology? and all those other ones they have… do i see myself a missionary like pastoring? tent making? i dunno… i like the idea of church planting and what not.. but then i don’t even know ‘where’ yet.. all in the air… all out of reach
besides there’s so much God has to iron out of my character right now — like i was talking to one of my friends about guys, and what girls like and stuff — and you know, girls somehow really like those guys that treat them kinda crappy, and the nice ones are sorta meh– they’re less interesting.. and was thinking just why is that? And I think its a bit of both sides, the girls’ maturity, requirement, chemistry, etc etc. and also they want like a protecter y’know? someone who has confidence, is decisive, knows what to do — some one who they can rely on and everything.
And like in our post modern / feminist society, guys are *generally* brought up as relatively passive, not much opinion, games/cars, y’know :p stereotypes. Girls are brought up with much more expectations / oppertunity because of the feminist movement — i mean like just look at media — girls kick butt — mainly guy butt :p, guys still have the usual thing — but thats overplayed, there’s no “wow” special ordeal — besides i think guys (i think) generally like to see that — so thats popular with both sides.. and so on and so forth. so you generally don’t have many assertive guys out htere — those who are assertive are usually bold, decisive because they’re either mature :D, or just ‘jerks’ who get their confidence from putting people down, or whatever. of course there are those really nice guys, who treat ppl (and girls) well… but they fall into the former category usually of not being as assertive / bold and waht not
Whereas in Christian circles –
*Timothy 6:10 NIV*
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.
A Godly man is sorta “both” in the sense where he has a position, and stands firm, he is bold and assertive — he is a leader, but His confidence/authority is in Christ, He treats people well because Christ loved Him first, and in Godliness & Faith — treats everyone with that glowing love — sort of that mix of assertiveness + godliness — but its rooted firmly into just God and His unfathomable love so its like wooo! HOT COMMODITY!
so yah — just in that not so much to find a girlfriend and stuff — but just me needing God’s further craftsmanship because i definately lack in both areas — to learn to love in more than just action, or word — but to find more ways to love purely in a Godly manner — and definately assertiveness, and boldness in Him…
then there’s so much more of just needing to go deep in Him, and to grow so much more — discipline, faithfulness, understanding… just so very much…
So i really don’t know — this summer I really really want to go deep into both the Spirit AND the Word — i want to grow deeper and deeper and deeper… so I wonder if i should get a job — or if i should just chillax it… still seeking direction in that..
so yeah… fun fun.