pearbox : undefined

so far this summer, everything has been going real slow, I still have yet to obtain a job, and time is quickly trickling away leaving less than half my summer remaining before another year of school comes by… so just in reflection of all of that — I realize I’ve been quite unmotivated to do anything, most everyday melds into most every other day — and if it weren’t for the little date & time on the bottom of my screen i wouldn’t know that today is wednesday what so ever…

life seems slow, unmotivated, uninspired, unproductive… etc. and just talking with a many of my friends + brothers & sisters lately about the issue of relationship/discipleship in the church, and revisiting the topics close to my heart & holy discontentment, I once again remember, and feel that passion leap inside of me… this is what God has revealed to me this past year — and my summer commitment was to go deep in Him — in both Spirit & in the Word. Yet — I see I’ve regressed some, becoming entangled with the world, slotheness — and while i’m still GO! i am definately not as in tune as I was, or where I would be when I am psychologicallly healthy — driven to His purpose.

I want to come again into that continual communion with Him, that consistant seeking of His heart, that conversation which carries out throughout the day… I want to go deep in the Word, to be equiped for every good work… I want to meditate on it and embrace the truth that is there…. I want to know my God deeper ~

thats the cry in my heart for this summer — and really even if i don’t get that outreach job… or any job — thats ok because He provides for me financially– however I really really do not want my summer to go to a waste in not going deeper… i’ve got lots of books to read to assist me in renewel and expanding my perspective… a lot of blogs & websites & sermons to check out (thanks alex), but my motivation to read seems next to minimal… my once love & passion to read seems all too resistant… like right now I’m in the process of reading 3 books at once.. each of which are going at a rather slow pace…. and i don’t know… it seems so hard to exercise this ’spiritual pathway’ or experience God through that…

hm… i don’t know, its one of my weaker areas — but it seems like something so crucial to going deeper in Him, to be mentored by such pastors — as Foster, Piper.. Simpson, Spurgeon, the list goes on…. *sighs*

Farther, Lord, dearest beloved Jesus, Holy Spirit,
Grant me, and renew in me my thirst, desire, and hunger for you, and the things of you — that Lord my summer might be fruitful in my understanding of you, my relationship with you, and my conversation with you. Please awaken my senses, and make them hypersensitive to your voice, the proddings of your Spirit, and your ever surrounding, penetrating presence — lead me, guide me — let me come into your embrace that i me go deep in you, that i may lose all of me — quiet me, hold me, still me… see my heart — that yearning, that desire — that seeking of You…. draw near to me because i cannot draw near to You.. consecrate me for worship to you… in your precious ever saving name,
Amen.