pearbox : undefined

There’s a lot on my mind, a lot of thoughts and things that I want to write and reflect on — but not much time or inspiration — since as of this past wednesday I’ve started working… at Baybloor moving TVs, Speakers, Stereos, Headphones and the lot… A lot of hard labour — which leaves space to think, reflect, and rest in the Lord..

Yet despite that — despite His sovereignty in providing me with this job, His faithfulness and His graciousness — I’m really struggling to walk in the spirit.. and to once again come back into the *full realization* of how much God loves me, How much he desires a relationship with me… that He desires even beyond death.. death on a cross to have a relationship with me. To converse and commune in every moment, every thought, every word, every action –

My very desires, thoughts rendered, conformed to those of the Holy Spirit’s — instead of those of the flesh.

From one of my favorite books in the Holy Scriptures..

*Galatians 5:16-18 NKJV - Walk in the Spirit*
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

*The Promise - The Sovereign Universal Truth:*
If you walk in the Spirit you *will not* fulfill the lust of the flesh.

the lust of the flesh — referring to any sensual (not necessarly sexual) desires that one is bound to have — being contained in the flesh which yearns for excess. yearns for self satisfaction. yearns for what i want to do, how i want to do it, when i want.. self centered mass of gluttony.

And lately — I’ve been having a hard time desiring God, seeking Him intimately — work has been excessively exhausting, my mind narrows onto each task that I need to do — and it feels my live has become oblivious to the ever faithful, ever gracious presence of my God, creator & beloved… Yet how my heart knows he yearns for his child — part of His bride to come to Him…

mmmm.. my unbelief, my lack of motivation, my beginning to drift away from the One True God…

The Writer of Hebrews urges us:

*Hebrews 2:1 NKJV*
Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.

Not to forget, take for granted (neglect) the salvation which we have so graciously and mercifully been called to.. to KNOW GOD!

Oh wayward heart — why must you be so stubborn why must you turn to temporary useless things, why must you stray from the Truth which sustains you — why do you yearn and hunger for material, for distraction when there — beyond this trough full of rocks is the Lord God Standing with arms open wide ready to accept His beloved son gone astray, gone awry… to once again embrace and lavish love upon you… Awaken O My Soul! Awake from thy slumber, break forth from the binds of sluggardness — Arise, Take Hold of Him..

Furthermore — In the last few days I’ve realized that deep inside of me rarely expressed is this explosive personality — that burns with rage, impulsive violence, authoratative pride…

Like I was talking to my mom the other day and she was saying how when she went swimming she was in the shower and this mother had 3 kids. The mother went inside and one of the kids knocked down a hairblower — the mom comes back and solds the kids and asks who did that? the 3 ‘evil’ little munchkins all innocently point at my mom and say her! my mom says it isn’t — not knowing which one, and the mom tells her kids whoever did it deserves spanking — they all point to my mom and chime “her” again — wacked kids… huh? well my mom being hte kind hearted person didn’t really know what to respond and made it a joke — but for me out of nowhere i flared up like :O how dare they — if it was me i’d have felt of ‘ging lau’ or massively scolding the mom and those ‘wretched’ kids… like what gives!!?!?

Another instance — a friend of mine wrote something on his blog about this dissatisfaction about what the church was doing which basically underminded the very purpose of the church — make disciples of all nations, teach the word etc etc.. Out of his discontent he contacts church authority and gets warned — and asked to take the entry off his blog… in hearing that.. i was just :O that roary fiery anger bursting forth again — in outright defiance! Like if i was in his position i would challenge the person with the word — Scripture — useful for REBUKE and CORRECTION!! And then being thrown into some mess of political garbage — a distasteful warning… making it seem the church is a joke… i’d be ready to jet… up and out of there — RAWR!!

But in both my mom’s responce, my dear friend’s — there is a maturity a greater love — that I obviously do not know — have not grasped yet — that depth of humility, that despite being wrongfully treated, wrongfully accused — that the Lord desires for us to love these people — and to rest in the assurance that God is sovereign– we might be rejected, pushed aside but God alone is the judge, God alone has the authority to strike vengence… to do Justice.

A reminder from today’s sunday school –

*2 Timothy 4:14 NKJV*
Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm. *May the Lord repay him according to his works.*

That greater love — above one’s own right, above one’s pride — to gulp that down… for the greater love of God, and His church — that there might be no division in the members of the bride…

This explosive personality — full of vengeful hate, rage, anger causing sin — unyielding pride etc..

*Galatians 5:19-21 NKJV*
Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, *hatred,* *contentions* (wanting to stir controversy), jealousies, *outbursts of wrath*, selfish ambitions, *dissensions*, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Dearly Beloved,
Father — I lay bear before your Word that is sharper than a double edge sword — you have cut deep into me and laid me bare for all to see… Lord in belief, in my unfaithfullness — would you chastise me, discipline and align me in your Word, in your Spirit - that each step i take would be led your word which is a lamp unto my feet — and your Spirit which cleanses, washes — and sanctifies the depths of my being be the air i breathe, the light i walk in– Lord I have hungered, I have tasted and I’ve seen that exceeding joy that comes from knowing you — walking with you, would you bathe me once again in your romance, renew that urgency that depth of love — teach me God to receive your lavishing love again — that as a child, weary, weak, broken — I might once again come into your embrace.
In the Name of Truth — that is Jesus Our Lord.
Amen.

This past week and a bit has brought to my life a whole flood of varying events, challenges, fears, and just a scatter of a whole bunch of thoughts I haven’t really had the chance to write down.. so I guess here goes– (I’ll try to write a bit here and there in other posts.)

*G Test*
First off — thanks for all of you who have been really supportive with words of encouragement, prayers, emails, txt msgs and all in my driving test — for those of you who don’t know… I passed! But definately not by my own work, but so much more by His Grace, His Mercy and His sovereignty… and really I’m not just saying that — let me explain:

For those of you who know me to a slightly greater degree — you’ll know that i have this problem with fear. That is a psychological fixation on fear, and other rather irrational, cognitively distorted values… This often expresses itself in situations where I am put in a position where ‘performance’ is important or a major factor.. (e.g. sharing in large groups, doing something challenging I don’t really know how to approach, or having to do/acheive something i don’t really have much confidence in) — my blog is dotted with examples driving tests, sunday school, CCF leadership sharing to name a few… There is just this intrinsic ‘fear’ — that has a deep hold of me in certain circumstances… that incites fears of what will other people think of me, what if I fail, of feeling the need to do my very best — then frustration at my best isn’t good enough, or just a dismal attitude of taking everything way too seriously (as in the case of my driving test)..

Whatever the case— I was meditating on some of the verses that I’ve a often cited that deal with fear, because its in the Word — and in essence dictates the ‘laws’ of true reality… so in this particular case — driving… and just seeking God deeper because dude the physical reality of the thing was really really overwhelming… but we know:

*Ephesians 6:12 NKJV*
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

And you’re probably thinking, Perry you’re taking this way out of context — but in every challenge, every situation — this IS a battle in the spiritual realm… physically it might not seem very important, but in all things we are called to *live* our eternal life — that is to know more deeply our Lord Jesus Christ. to have faith — trust in Him, His provision, His sovereignty… to die to self trying… to die to the law — and in surrender of that self trying — we embrace Grace. My fear earlier –

as Joeie reminded me was deeply stemmed in my own self effort.. y’know when you try to do things on your own — there is fear because we know our own limitations, we know… how weak, how fallible, how broken, helpless we truly are… we might not show it, admit it — but thats us — the depravity of man.. the depravity of me. And if people fail your efforts, reject what you do — well in some ways while perhaps not rejecting you as a person, they reject your ‘best’ in that situation.. that best being all of what you’ve poured out of yourself.

But — in Grace, the Holy Scriptures speak truth in the strength, the sovereignty, the courage, the constant character of our Lord. And as those broken depraved men (and women), without hope, helpless in their sins, weak and flailing… come into Grace— it is no longer them. Its not even about suceeding or getting that certain thing — its not about what other people think or how ‘presentable’ we are — but rather its about worship — to our Lord, our God. To know Him deeper– in faith, in love, in truth.

the paradigm, or focus — switches from idolatry to godliness.
fear — misplaces one’s trust in the one true ‘piller’ of hope, of truth, instead it puts one’s self at the center stage — and its just one person looking forth into a thicket of impending disasters,

faith — however refocusses one onto the cross, on to Christ — onto the bridegroom — love drives out fear. And when there is no fear — we are not self conscious… but rather able to express ourselves freely.. we are able to be truer to ourselves, in that God did not intend for His bride to be ridden with insecurities, fears and worry — rather to be secure in both identity — finding our worth our identity in His love, His affirmation of us as His children & lover; as well as what we do — like a husband who jealously protects His bride — protecting her in all things, leading her and guiding her in all things — so he leads his church, His bride — His children.. in saftey — that his our salvation. As children, running into His arms… and after all efforts to know that no failures, principalties, powers, NOTHING can seperate us from His perfect love — even when we make fools of ourselves.. we dance to an audiance of 1.

*thanks:* Father Jesus Holy Spirit, Parents, Gabes, Kat, Shirley, Karmel, Joeie, Herman, Alex — and all you other ppl

*What a Friend We Have in Jesus*
Joseph M. Scriven,
What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he’ll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

The Cross, the blood of the lamb drives out fear – so Take Courage link.

Distress… mmm a quick apology to those of you who check out my blog regularly, I haven’t had much time, inspiration, energy, or anything really to write or talk about… everday has been a constant stream of redundant driving and practicing… and just a big chunk of stress, namely in the form of pressure — feeling that “need” to have to meet some horrendously high super expectation… Always having to check all the mirrors, blind spots, windows in extra deliberate motion… making sure my acceleration / braking is level or smooth… and a whole lot of stuff… added with a massive drift of tiredness… driving is just one mess of exhaustion & frustration… *sighs*

So yah… I don’t know… its just a silly little G2 exit test that I can do later again in the chance I make too many mistakes or whatever. Parents & Friends are really supportive, and I thank you for your prayers and your confidence in me… just i don’t know… stuff like this with so much pressure, having the ‘bar’ set so high… is really nerve wracking for me… The psychological fixation on fear…. or perhaps not even fear but the stress itself… drives me nuts It sort of branches off from driving and shakes me up in most every area…

That ‘cloud’ of distress just overshadowing me… like everything has suddenly turned toward stormy weather… (i don’t mean that just atmospherically in a ‘pathetic fallacy’ kind of way) but… just the whole car incident earlier this week having both the cars go ‘haywire’ — and then not really getting a chance to spend time with my beloved friends… such a depth of lonliness, then busy wednesday of going out to talk with people… friday, interesting night.. then that duel garage sale - @ church AND @ home.. so absolutely stressing & tiring.. socially — its like i just plummetted down into some deep dark nether.. got a chance to go out tonight with some CCF friends tho still slightly awkward… ? *shrugs*

Spiritually… I really haven’t had much time to quiet down, and rest… to find solace and intimacy in His embrace, His Spirit — fellowship / church has sort of been a quick flash… some thoughts… nothing particularly striking.. my 20 minutes or so of quiet time this week — reading Psalms has been really edifying tho… more thinking about trees — and how when they go deeper their epidermal cells die in a few short days so the roots have to continually grow in their pursuit for water… drawing a parallel David’s parallel of meditation like a tree near a river — constant source of nutrients, and its so much more fruitful to be saturated in the word — that the growth of new epidermal cells — has more than sufficient amounts of water & minerals to draw from..

Anyways.. I was Reading Psalm 6 today.. and its a “Prayer of Faith In Times of Distress” — and I found it to be just really comforting… Like in my distress, emptiness, lonliness, i just want to roll up into a ball and hide away from everything… i dont’ really have the words to initiate ‘interesting’ conversation (i usually have trouble with that anyways)… and there’s just this deep emptyness of wanting to cry out to Him.. but really not having the words to express..

But still… the Holy Spirit Speaks… Interceding on behalf of me… mmm….

*Psalm 6 NKJV*
O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure. Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am weak; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled; But You, O LORD—how long? Return, O LORD, deliver me! Oh, save me for Your mercies’ sake! For in death there is no remembrance of You; In the grave who will give You thanks? I am weary with my groaning; All night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears.My eye wastes away because of grief; It grows old because of all my enemies. Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity; For the LORD has heard the voice of my weeping. The LORD has heard my supplication; The LORD will receive my prayer. Let all my enemies be ashamed and greatly troubled; Let them turn back and be ashamed suddenly.

really resonates well with me… to the depths of my core… been feeling so wealk, helpless, physically drained.. and I know God is here with me, Holy Spirit dwelling within me — just everything is so bleak… and you wonder where is His hand in all this.. David doesn’t stop there — He doesn’t stop at seeing himself in that heart wenching condition instead — He is seeking Him… waiting… turning on a tear filled bed… but wondering “How Long?” Though he is distressed… His faith is grounded firmly in His promises — that God hears our prayers, our tears, our cries.. And He — as the great and mighty conqueror — overcomes… His will carried forth!

mmms.. I’m tired, weary, weak, broken in so many ways.. lost confused…. weary of driving, frustrated, wanting so much to be over this…

O Lord, My God –
I am in desperation for you… I am weary, broken, lost, confused.., everything… Draw me near Lord, that I might enter into your rest– to come into your warmth, your comforting embrace; draw me near Lord… I am helpless to come on my own… break me free from these bonds of fear… instead cover me with your spirit, wash me… restore me — let all I see be you — fix my eyes on You dearest beloved.. that all might fade as mist… and your light my only guide…. in You I seek these things.. Amen.

Before I go on with my blog entry, just thought i’d highlight a entry from Driscoll’s Resurgence — about The Calvary Chapel’s statement on the Emergent ‘Church’

A bit long — but a very good stance on where their church stands in regards to the popular trend in churches today — notably postmodern the “emergent’ movement, seeker friendly ‘purpose driven life’ and other ideas, philosophies in regards to a church’s role in outreach, ‘missions,’ evangelism, and general caring –

Something to think about — in light of some of the outreach ministries we have. The most ironic, I quote — “The Evangelism Department” will be hosting a yardsale…” and the church’s call to –

*Mark 16:15 NKJV*
And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.

*Matthew 28:19-20a NKJV*
Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you;

Likewise — 2 Timothy 4:1-5; Paul’s charge to Timothy to preach the Word!

…

*driving*
Aside — from that, just an quick update — I haven’t had much chance to write or read much lately, been kind of stressed out with my G test coming up

If you’d give a moment to pray for me — I’d greatly appreciate that (feel free to comment so i can thank you personally)
- attentivness in my driving (e.g. mirror, side, blindspot checks, speed limit etc.)
- energy - need sufficient rest
- weather
- preperation - emotionally, physically exhausting
- forcus on God, depth of understanding in midst of all this strenuousness
- car trouble.. in hte last 3 days, we’ve had 1 deader starter, 1 dead battery, 1 battery that was unresponsive, 1 flat tire.. so all the more angstsy prior to my G test.

– would He be glorified in all things~

*Summer plans*
God’s greater and better plans have popped open an oppertunity to work next week at Bay Bloor Radio again Praise God! Supplying each and every financial need that I have — from Urbana, to transportation, to books, retreats etc. Work will take a lot of my time, but I’ll get more oppertunity for disciplined reading & reflection
After work — family is heading down to Florida & Disney so go figure huh?

This is just a quick update - I’m (trying to) working on a piece on Galatians and the symbology behind the Bride of Christ. So watch out for that.. *cheers*

*Truth. Absolute Truth - The True And Living God, Our Lord Christ Jesus.*

*Isaiah 55:10-11 NKJV*
For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

I’m not too sure what to say right now, except that I’m absolutely floored by the Word right now… Spent yesterday digging deep into scriptures and a few sermons from John MacArthur concerning The power or ‘usefulness’ of the Word and The Breath of God, that Divine Inspiration that comes from the very mouth — SPOKEN (Heb 1:1) and thus breathed by God. Breath being another reference to the Holy Spirit — the intimacy found together in Charismatic (Spirit Empoewered) and the Evangelical (Word Centered) is just… wow.. floored.

So many times this past week, this past month this past year — decade, my life! I’ve taken for granted the significance and power of the Holy Scriptures, The Word of God. That depth of Grace given to us that we might come to know Him (Salvation : John 17:3) I read, I study — I reference, I pray… but I usually don’t comprehend that great depth of love for us, in Him giving us scripture.

You know, like *God Breathed,* *God Inspired,* hmm… good to know. Scripture being able to make one wise unto salvation, proffitable for teaching, reproof, correction, training to rightousness… equipping us to do *EVERY* good work (2 Tim 3:16-17) It is *LIVING* active! POWERFUL! sharper than any two edged sword piercing the division of soul and spirit, etc.. (Heb 4:11-13) but as you delve deeper into the Word, as you let those words roll in your conscious mind, and simmer in your unconscious — it refines it changes you…

That promise from Isaiah 55:10-11 (see beginning) the Word is like rain or snow — it doesn’t go bakc to where it came from — but rather once its sent — once its preached, once its read — it begins its work immediately soaking into the soil — that is our soul/hearts, softening our hearts, eroding away the hardness, washing away the dirt, the pollution the corruption… cleansing us —and nourishing us that we might believe unto salvation by the faith that is given to us by grace…

So yesterday and today — God has just been demonstrating that promise to me… THE REALITY of how EFFECTIVE His word is — like reading all that emergent church, spiritual formation, objections to the Scripture alone, and trying to wrestle that with in its role in accordance to other traditions… He’s brought me great comfort… Sola Scriptura, “Only Scripture” — a depth of peace, a depth of faith that comes from hearing the Word (Rom 10:17). Comfort & Peace because it is true, it is certain! — So as Paul urged dear timothy…

*2 Timothy 3:14-15 NKJV*
But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

*Continue!!* - in what you have learned, continue in your pursuit of the Holy Scriptures! Remembering those [referring to Timothy's mother & grandmother] who taught you — those who were STRONG, ‘GIANTS’ in the Faith.

Good teachings — those things that abide in Christ, the teachings of Paul and the Apostles, teachings that produce godliness (1 Tim 6:3) — *good fruit* seek after these!

In preperation for sunday school i was looking over some articles on sola scriptura — and the various objections to it — and well my brain just blanked in all that confusion — like Sola Scriptura? Wha?! you’d think it’d be easy straight forward.. the Scriptures are a FOUNDATION to our salvation — faith comes from hearing, and hearing from the word of God, Rom 10:7 again. but yah added with echoes from my last post just a lot of issues conflicting with my theology, my faith — like stuff just isn’t matching up… O.o fear, confusion all that sets in

And we remember:

*1 John 4:1 NKJV*
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

*test the spirits!*

Knowing that the Scriptures are God Breathed — from the Holy Spirit! & such — He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7) — If teachings are TRUTH, they do not spread fear, or confusion, division, weakness — No! The Holy Spirit that has breathed/inspired them is quite the contrary!

*Sufficiency of Scripture as the Sole Authority in Faith & Practice*

*2 Timothy 3:16-17 NKJV*
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, [...] that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

To be a Christian can be ’summarized’ in the two commandments that Jesus Highlights–
1. To Love The Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind.
2. Love your neighbour.

Or in parallel — The Word in 2 Timothy 3:
1. Wise for Salvation (v15) ref - To Know God (John 17:3)
2. Complete thoroughly equipped for every good work (17)

What more are we called to? Those 2 commandments, those two instructions summarize the Christian life. — to Seek Him earnestly to be filled and poured out — in love, teaching of others that others might come to know the True & living God!

Equipped for every good work — Its interesting to note that though the passage in 2 Timothy 3 is mostly evangelical — that there is a great & deep intimate link between charismatics & evangelicals. Other than the great divide between Alliance & Pentecostals and perhaps the ‘error of scripture’ argument presented by some charismatics in the last century..

Its interesting to note — not only is the Holy Spirit so deeply intimately involved in the writing & inspiration of the scripture — but also in the equipping…

*Luke 9:1-2 NKJV*
Then He called His twelve disciples together and gave them power and authority over all demons, and to cure diseases. *He sent them to preach the kingdom of God* and to *heal the sick.*

A Reflection in founding Alliance Theology of being evangelical & (supposedly) charismatic — equipped to heal others that the Word might be spread more effectively.

Regardless — The Word, The Spirit, definately deeply and intimately related. And such — to be charismatic is not to reject the authority of the Word for new revelation, but so much more to embrace the Word that it confirms the revelation, the signs and wonders that He is doing through us. Likewise to be evangelical is not to reject the Spirit for our very Word is given to us by charis — grace.

Quick comment on contemplation or the “prayer filled life” (as according to Foster)… Really our prayers are only effective when we seek God’s heart… only effective when we know Him. If He doesn’t know you why would he grant you something? likewise when we don’t know Him how shallow and dead our prayers are… no one is going to do something against their will/morals/character — just because you asked…

So friend, I implore, I beg - you to dig deep into the scriptures, embrace it, hold firm to your salvation — let the Spirit flow forth as a mighty river that it might prepare your heart — that the scripture would come and into the good soil bear much fruit!

*Matthew 7:6-8 HCSB*
“*Keep asking*, and it will be given to you. *Keep searching*, and you will find. *Keep knocking*, and the door will be opened to you.

thanks alex for your faithful support, encouragement, and edifying teaching

hmmm confusion — for the last while, as some of you might know — I’ve been going through a few of Richard Foster’s books on — beside my bed I have The Celebration of Discipline, Prayer, Finding my Heart’s true Home, Streams of Living Water… and the like, some deep thought provoking insights on Spiritual Formation and the like…

Online I’ve been reading various blogs here and there about Reform Theology, a bit here and there about the Emergent Conversation and some of the problems with that.. so a lot on false teachings, idle talk and speculation — Pastoral Epistles — stuff I’m teaching in Sunday School.

My theology coming into this — is one thats kind of liberal — open minded, in that I don’t think there’s one ‘branch,’ ‘tradition,’ or ‘method’ to know God — rather each every denomination, each and every tradition — catches one ‘portion’ of who God is — and that section itself is already beyond our ability to fathom— Yet doctrinal problems, discussions on theology, orthodoxy, orthopraxy divide us, schism!– we look accross at the other ‘tradition,’ other ’stream’ or ‘approach’ to God and say hey! that doesn’t match up with my theology! it must be wrong! heresy! Yet… really in His sovereign grace — its that He has revaled Himself in a different way… to different parts of His church — some more in the word - Evangelical, some more in the Spirit - Charismatic, others more in Prayer - contemplative and so on and so forth….. and though it might all seem to be a pile of dividing rubble… It’s His grace that He reveals to us.. and ultimately we are called to Know Him and no matter what that relationship takes place - King, father, beloved one, best friends, teacher etc.. We are saved by the core — Faith that is given by Grace so that we might be cleansed, forgiven — and come to know and have that relationship with God.

So thats all good and dandy… perhaps a bit ‘danger’ for the more conservative in theology; and in some ways reflective of the emergent conversation of not having those ‘dividing lines’ and letting each person have their own ‘way’ in a conversation– (tho i don’t care for such a conversation and I believe in the sovereignty of scripture and that there IS TRUTH that can be known. and the core of our belief musn’t be turned to idle chatter)…

With that stuff in mind — I was reading up on book reviews on those Spiritual Formation books and I found a few sites — praising many of them — notably the classic Celebration of Discipline, yet at the same time other sites which — claim? are? i don’t know.. reformed? are warning against such books — that its ‘mysticism’ and false teaching and whatever…

And this has all gotten me to a place of excessive confusion… I know where I stand — Reformed, Evangelical & Charismatic… (if we’re into labels) and in many ways I want to have that greater understanding of God from all the true (e.g. not gnostic/agnostic) ‘traditions….’

hms… I really don’t know what to think — I obviously need to read more… and then test those things I read..

*1 John 4:1 NKJV*
Beloved, *do not* believe every spirit, but *test the spirits*, whether they are of God; because *many false prophets* have gone out into the world.

Thats quite unsettling — sort of POP goes all child-innocence in terms of theology, and understanding of the current church situation…

*Hebrews 6:11-12 NKJV*
But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

*these things* refers to - unwholesome words/teachings that do not hold their base in the teachings of Christ and those of The Apostles (Scripture), those teachings which give ‘fruit’ - shall we say chaff, weeds, of pride, ignorance, obsession, disputes, strife, division.

Pursue eternal life — to Know God (John 17:3)..

Father God, Beloved Saviour, Holy Spirit –
Lead me Father — not into temptation, not into the clutches of evil men and their teachings… rather Guide me with your word — may it be a lamp unto my feet that I may take hold of your hand, and run with you to the very ends of time… and into daybreak! Lord, Jesus — your word is sharper than a double edge sword — and discovers the condition of my heart — Lord would you open me up and see those things if any — that might have strayed from your great salvation… discover those and gouge them out! Gouge them out that I might be clean and know you for who you are — my great salvation! Holy Spirit grant me the gift of discernment that in the haze of confusion and ocean of teachings — I might be able to find You to recognize your teaching — and not be led astray by those that are not of you… Holy Spirit — let me walk in and with you..
In the name of the Sovereign Truth, that is our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

So the past few days I’ve been trying to write a follow up on that last entry… looking at an symbology outline of Galatians I did back in december — trying to think of how to mesh good ideas, good words and everything together for another ‘inspiring’ post… and frankly… though my reading in Hebrews has continued to be inspiring… and God is giving me a lot more reminders again and again about fighting the good fight of faith — to take hold of my salvation and not let it go or be taken for granted…

Like just today –

*Hebrews 12:14-17 NKJV*
Pursue *peace* with all people, and *holiness*, *without which no one will see the Lord*: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who *for one morsel of food sold his birthright.* For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, *he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears.*

Pursue peace (with all people) and Holiness — for the purpose of meeting with God…

And to *not* be like Esau who lost his birthright — trading it for a few bowls of stew…

The summer is dry and heated and well for many of us — myself included it sort of sways back and forth without much change, there isn’t really much ‘inspiring’ things happening and everything melds together… each day goes by and its so easy to succumb to lazyness, to idleness, and just go with whatever there is to do — tv, video games, writing — anything..

yet still the writer of Hebrews urges us to keep pursueing! don’t let a moment of tiredness, exhaustion, hunger, anything draw you away from your great salvation! Do *NOT* let anything, even in your moment of weakness, extreme business or lack luster fervency get in the way of your salvation — eternal life — to know God (John 17:3)… don’t let boredom, desire, busyness (work, school, ministry etc.) drive you away, but take heed to seek Him and know him –


Which brings us back to the point I started a few paragraphs back — something in reflection, that i need to learn is to be genuine in my writing — not letting what other people think sway my purpose — yes my passion is to edify people with my writing — but i do not write to inspire them, to inspire you — the purpose is to glorify God first, and utmost — that my life may be laid transparent unhindered that you might be edified in what God is teaching me — and doing in my life..

I’d like to repent of my pride, i’d like to repent of complaisancey (wanting to comply to expectations)… that though yes God blessed me with the ability to write that all inspiration, all life, all teaching comes from Him and Him alone — all Glory, Credit to Him… My reward, satisfaction from Him alone… “His Grace is Enough for Me”

It’s so easy to worship and serve in those areas that you are weak in because to depend on God is a must — you have nothing to fall back onto not yourself not others, just God–

And in strength — it seems all the more easier to fall back on yourself, your own skills, knowledge, philosophy– yet the spiritual reality of things is so very different — its in those areas that you are rich that you need God the most — because once pride, self sufficiency, or otherwise your own self trying kicks in — sure your heart can be to worship God… but you’ve already taken your salvation your faith that was given to you by grace — for granted… literally for granted. that you can go do your own thing — Yes you do have eternal life — that is in the literal For Granted! but the nature of that gift is continual…

*Matthew 19:24 NKJV*
And again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Same principle — it so much harder for us to worship and know God through faith & dependence in those areas we are rich, those areas we are strong…

Oh God, beloved…
Come and take this pride me… teach me to be humble to love you with all my heart, all my mind, all my soul… That God you alone may be glorified not me, not my skills, not anything that I can do — but Lord pour forth that river of life in me– that you might move those barriers to my heart — and soften it from the hardness that comes from pride, self trying, mould me, breathe in me — that like a jar of clay i might be washed of dirt.. shaped by your hand and your breath (blowing glass), and doused into the Consuming Fire that you are… chasten me, discipline me — form me to glory, a reflection of your great love… take me and wash me, sanctifiy me that my writing might be worship to you — and a blessing to those who read it….
In you our most loving saviour..
Amen.