pearbox : undefined

lonliness, the deep feeling of emptyness, that desire for someone to talk to to, someone to listen to — someone to relate to and understand. That longing for someone like minded, like hearted, like spirited to bring a close to that feeling of loss, that feeling of somber joy… somber because whatever happiness inside cannot be expressed with that certain other / others which matter most in one’s heart, in one’s mind.

lonliness, something I definately am prone to struggle with and am struggling with right now, perhaps its my introverted personality, perhaps its that i don’t have a job and i’m for the most part of the summer disconnected from human life, or conversation… perhaps its that I’m serving and my dearest friends are also serving making there very little time to come together and talk, to mutually edify.. perhaps the times have changed and those friendships so strong, can only be expressed in distant notions of love, encouragement, and heart warming words, and soul comforting smiles… perhaps its just me?

regardless… there is solace in lonliness..

*Deuteronomy 6:4 NKJV*
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one!

The very emotion of lonliness reflects the very being and character of my beloved God. He is ONE, without people who are like him to talk to or chill out with… No, He is the All in All — before He created the universe it was God, Himself, Alone Hovering over the misty waters of nothingness that would soon become the world. After He created the world, light, the magnificant sky & the celestial bodies, the range of massive land masses and surrounding waters — the animals plants in many number to populate all areas of the earth — and of course the closest ‘being’ to even remotely resemble His Being — man…

*Genesis 1:27 NKJV*
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

*Genesis 2:7 NKJV*
And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.

From the very dust that lies on the ground, God fashioned him in His own image, designing his innerds– a nervous system that He might feel… and come to know those very things that God feels… (lonliness being one). A mind able to think, create, destroy — unfathomable to the depths of creativity… that He might seek Him in all creation, all truth — and find that One True Truth. –

That Breath of life.. breathed into man that through language the limitless tool of relationship might open to him the very depths of God’s heart — how suitable language is — a tool so limitless, to know Him who IS limitless, yet still unfathomable beyond all linguistic construction…. beyond all language, beyond all tongues… beyond everything…

Man created to be an image of Him — to reflect and understand that very beckoning of lonliness…

*The Divine Romance*
Gene Edwards

excerpts from pg 11-15

His [man's] senses revealed to Him the harsh truth. “I am more alone than if I were the only living creature in all realms…”

The Lord heaved a deep sigh as one about to begin a great arduous task. “Man, there is a principle written within the depths of my being that cannot be rescinded. I am one, not two. Indivisible is my life. And you, man are a reflection of my essence. Therefore, one also are you. As I am alone, so are you alone. As indivisible am I, so indivisible are you. More than one cannot be. To change is to be violate the reflection of me which reflection you are…

“Here is yet another principle, buried deep within my nature. This principle, therefore, is found also in the very fiber and bloodstream of the universe… Like us, this simple seed is alone. And-like us- it must forever abide… alone…

“Unless perchance the seed should fall into the ground and there cease its existance…”

‘You my very image are willing to fall, like this singular seed, into the earth that you might thereby end your journey of solitude? You are willing to do this to gain a life from your life? … You are willing to do this to have a counterpart?

lonliness… God’s reflection of solace fell to the ground like a seed that another life might be gained… and thus Eve was formed (not created).

*John 15:12-14 NKJV*
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

Father God, my most beloved Jesus, Holy Spirit, i am one… as you are one… teach me to find solace in you as we share in both the emotions of lonliness… and anticipation of that coming bride… in all splendor and beauty… Lord, teach me to seek you, your heart — that Lord i may be sensitive to your Spririt, and that Lord would you guide my steps… be it in friendship or other.. that Lord you are that sole relationship that I truly *need* and yearn for… in hurt, in pain, in lonliness draw me close…
in your gentle embrace.. Jesus.
Amen.

A precursor of things to come.

I Will Not Forget You.. an old song which the Holy Spirit led me to today when i was trying to find a song to open devos with…

Talks about not Forgetting God, which in essence means not forgetting WHO He is, the GREAT WORTH He is, All that He’s done, really — NOT to take Him/Our Salvation for granted! So while I was recording, reflecting on the lyrics and reading Hebrews 5… finding it slightly dry than I’m used to, but the words in verse 11 jumped out to me..

*Hebrews 5:11 NKJV*
Of whom [Jesus] we have much to say, and hard to explain, *since you have become dull of hearing.*

similarly from the song –
*Many men will read your words They will never change their minds*

dull of hearing.. where we naturally recline into filtering out those things that we don’t want to hear… dull of hearing of the Word.. shows signs of a hardened heart — not readily open and attentive to His voice via the Word.., lacking discipline/a sound mind.. to dig deep in the word, which is the foundation to growing deep in relationship with Him.. So if that is my desire to know him, to be known by Him — relationship– then like a tree…

*Tree Analogy*
I need to first dig my roots into a solid grounding — into His Word that i may be renewed, by the cleansing water (Holy Spirit) which brings forth fruit, nutrients, energy in growing close to Him.. and the closer He draws me — the more I am basked in His presence, the more His warmth, sunshine, surrounds me and covers me, again nourishing me that i may grow close to Him.. growth comes not because a tree wants to grow, but it grows by the water, nutrients, and minerals in the ground and the sunlight and rain which dances on the sky. Yet in desiring these things — desiring to seek Him and grow deep (literally) in Him — He supplies Himself that we may draw close to Him. (inspired from prestudy with Yam & Shirley)

*So yah, just some thoughts to think about…*

For me.. thoughts are mainly…
Do I really really desire this ’salvation,’ this eternal life to which I am called to —

*John 13:3 NKJV*
And this is eternal life, that they may *know You*, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.

– to know Him, the only true God and Jesus Christ!

If so… why am I not digging deep in the word with the same desperation, if not more, than a tree seeking for sunlight and nutrients for survival, food and water, how much more for my life, a human being — eternal life?

If I find it so dry, isn’t it all the more indication that I need to dig deeper to find that living water?

*mmms* I’ll leave you with these thoughts.

I Will Not Forget You.mp3

*I Will Not Forget You*
Ben Pasley, Robin Pasley

Verse 1:
Many men will drink the rain
And turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear you Speak
They will never turn around

PreChorus:
But I will not forget
You are my God my king
With a thankful heart
I bring you my offering
And my sacrifice is
Not what You can give
But what I alone can
Give to you

Chorus:
A grateful heart I give
A thankful prayer I pray
A wild dance I dance before You
A loud song I sing
A huge bell I ring
A life of praise I live before You

Verse 2:
Many men will pour their gold
And serve a thing that shines
*Many men will read your words*
*They will never change their minds*

©1999 Corinthian Music by Maranatha! Music)

this entry is more to share in edification and appreciation of God’s creation, just to encourage you to just take a moment away from talking on msn, surfing the net, and just slow down and enjoy in His creation.. and reflect on His Character — so enjoy.

rainfall.mp3

Rainfall… this atmospheric event that comes every few days, sometimes days on end… the water that showers down, where we quickly run from the car to the house, the annoyance of being drenched as we hurry to the bus stop, the unexpected splash as we step in to a puddle soaking us wet to the skin.

And still the fresh feeling of renewal after days of scorching heat, the cool refreshment as water dances around you; the droplets pour down your face.. the joy of a child as she jumps and splashes! Fresh cool water everywhere! ‘tears’ on your face as you smile with glee..

Water that spells relief, refreshment, renewal growth.
Water that spells flood, drought, famine, desolation.
Water that brings joy, happiness, childlike,innocent fun!
Water that brings frustration, annoyance, discomfort.

So many times we rush here and there, flooded by our busy schedules, when it rains the clouds are grey, there is thunder, you don’t want to wake up, you have to walk around with that old umbrella with the broken stokes, oh the hassle of shaking off the rainwater just to dry everything off..

So little are the times where we just sit and listen as the rain comes down, bringing forth life growth — change to the dry summer weather. That beautiful sound as the transparenet beads pitter patter as they bounce on the ground and roll into a pocket of crystal. The soft rumble overhead, the lightning dancing far off in to the northeast…

that reflection of God’s gracious love showering down upon us— bringing cleansing, renewal, sanctification, relief, growth, — His Spirit soaking our senses, saturating our beings as he makes residence in our hearts… and from such Living Water, The Holy Spirit, springing forth an everflowing fountain — everlasting in life. And there will no long be thirst… True Water — Living Water…

Jesus answered and said to her, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

mmm… prepping sunday school — and the verses i’m touching on are really in my face rebuke mmms..

‘i am weak, broken, and lost.. i know you but i do not know *how* to draw near… yet still in my flawed state - you lead me with your true word, that lamp unto my feet, the faith of your election…’

thank you God
*Tuesday - July 4, 2006*
Wells its now two days transpired after sunday school and I guess I’m just going to write about what God was speaking me to those verses that follow –

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been struggling quite a bit since school left off… perhaps its the community of brothers and sisters who have that contagious love, and thirst for Jesus so much — and the accountability which inevitably comes in an open community mmmm… His presence is so strong there, and that fragrant romance of being saturated with Him so beautiful..

but mmms.. summer has been kind of dry y’know uninspired, being like the seed thats been scattered in throny bushes and being choked up with wordliness, not so much with lust lately, but more distraction media, materialism, and other idle things… laziness..

So in sunday school was talking about Paul’s instruction to “fight hte good fight of faith” (say that 5 times really quickly!)

*Colossians 3:5 (NKJV)*
5 Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is *idolatry.*

- idolatry, the cheif sin that i struggle with (albeit i guess whenever we sin the root of that is our distrust in God, and in its place our trust in ourselves… in some ways coveting his sovereignty and taking things into our own hands.. :\

*Hebrews 12:14 (NKJV)*
14 Pursue peace with all people, and *holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:*

- holiness, not in that ultimate and perfect sense of holiness but more that restitution in our relationship with God, that sanctification/consecratedness in walking in His Spirit, and genuinely sincerely pursueing Him, godliness; fighting the good fight of faith, His Holy Spirit in Me.

*Romans 8:13 (NKJV)*
13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.

- idolatry of course being the opposite, totally out of line, the break in relationship, walking in the flesh, being dead, losing contact with true life — Jesus, breaking away from TRUE reality, and drowning in the temporal motions of time — the physical reality.

- I was reading one of Piper’s sermons on how covetousness is a condition of ‘unbelief’ (covetousness is once again in 2 forms - the first commandment, covetousness of sovereignty (other gods before Him) - idolatry in its most blatant form. and the last commandment against people — which echoes in the first one because if you found your sufficiency in Christ then you wouldn’t want anything else.

*Hebrews 13:5-6*
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”6So we say with confidence,”The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

- what more do i want? what else do i need but Him?

*Romans 4:20 (NKJV)*
20 He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God,

but I guess as I boil out this summer both spiritually/physically… and feeing somewhat distant and thus unmotivated because for me atleast how I approach God is relationally… so being sincere is really important and when scattered thoughts come its just really really hard to sit still and focus, really really hard to pursue godliness.. but thats where selfdiscipline/a sound mind from the last blog post comes form
so in light of Romans 4:20, and this C.S. Lewis quote expounds –

Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.
*~The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, Screwtape to his nephew Wormwood* (copied & pasted from swirlee’s blog)

to end, a beautiful verse from Hebrews (how i love this book, especially when my heart goes wayward) - and a song, cry in my heart thats really been inline with what i want to write.
*Hebrews: 2:1 NKJV*
“Therefore we must give the *more earnest heed* to the things we have heard, *lest we drift away*”

*Cry In My Heart*
Jon Neufeld, Tim Neufeld

There’s a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
*For Your presence to fill up my senses*
*There’s a yearning again*
*A thirst for discipline*
*A hunger for things that are deeper*

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
*For I’ve been here before*
*Yet I know there’s still more*
Oh Lord *I need to know You*

For what do I have
if I don’t have you Jesus?
What in this life
could mean anymore?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
of my head

©2004 Birdwing Music