Changing Seasons…
On my way to Urbana right now (about 3 or so horus away), not really sure what to expect; God has been a bit quiet lately and I feel sort of ushered into a slight change of seasons… Its just been really quiet which is more or lses normal for the quiet/dry season God has been bringing me through– but its like it feels like God is alo starting to move and transition me towards a slight change / shift in seasons…
Not too sure towards what exactly, but I was praying with a brother the other night, just listening to him sahre and what not - felt the holy spirit begin stirring a renewed sense of desperation for Him, reminding me of the heart’s raw cry to just pursue Him, seek Him and stop at nothing else… relentless wholehearted seekign for Jesus. Its been about two days since praying and just over and over again - the emptyness, lonliness keeps coming back like buffeting waves; that space deep in my heart taht only He can fill..
And there’s the on going ‘frustration’ of going to Him in desperation, but coming away with very ilttle said, haven’t really felt God say anything tremendously specific/explicit to me for a long while, He quietly pokes and prods at my heart bringing up stuff and I know His Grace & Assurance hasn’t lifted and He is still here and working mightil..
Which in the grand scheme of things isn’t really an issue - been learnign to stop trying to ‘figure’ thigns out but just ‘be’ and let His Grace carry me - perseverence and waiting upon His promises
*Hebrews 11:6 ESV*
And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek Him
Not by my own efforts - but faith which is given by Him that I might more fully believe and experience His Grace that He promises to those who seek Him…
Surrendering my relationship with Him back to Him..
CAn’t realy do anything (that’s just legalistic religiosity) but seek His heart and wait..
Father,
You search the very depths of me… you see the quiet sorrows, the hidden lonliness — my desperation for you and my utter need for You; You are my desire, all I want God and Lord I plea with you would you speak — show Your Glory, would you increase faith in me that I might seek you more wholeheartedly, soften my heart open my eyes — Father it is not about me — but your will be done.. Would you break me from this narrow mindedness, expand my vision — to see you, for your glory for your renown; not just to hear you say i am beautiful and that you love me — but to follow and obey.. Lord instill in my heart a deeper passion for you — an undignified full abandonment to you — widen my ehart that I might come away with you to bound over mountains and hills — all to you, in Christ, in Surrender — Amen.
Hey Perry, thanks for your continuing prayer, it is much appreciated. I also just want to encourage you to seek the Lord! There is an answer and it’ll be a wisper and it’ll blow you away! Wait for it! Wait in anticipation because you know it’s going to be good! How good?! Think of all the things He’s already brought you through and double it! That’s how good it will be! And in your anticipation, pray!! hehehe. You rock, Perry.
Father Lord, I thank you for Perry, for his wonderful heart that seeks you endlessly. I pray you give him a satisfaction down in his soul. I pray you give him that water that will never let him go thirsty again. I pray you listen to his cries late in the night and just rock him to sleep in your arms. I pray you comfort, nurture, restore, feed, water and provide for Perry. In your name I pray, Amen.
GO Perry GO!
I think God was talking to me in the shower last the other day. I was reflecting on how much I want to feel his embrace and how much I want to know that he’s there, but then God’s like, “Dude, Dennis, you’re still talking about the physical and mental. What I offer you is a spiritual embrace.”
Then I was like, “so… what’s the action for this spiritual embrace if it is not ‘feel’?”
“Believe.” He said, “Just believe the embrace first then you will feel it.”