pearbox : undefined

One of those days where you wake up and you totally don’t feel like yourself, each hour that passes by you realize more and more how far and distant everything seems, knowing Joy, Hope, and that Peace that passes all understanding, yet somehow feeling the world is going to collapse on you, this brink disconnect with reality. that inner helplessness, and quiet frustration..

O God — hear my cry ~

*Psalm 86*
Great Is Your Steadfast Love
A Prayer of David.

1 Incline your ear, O Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
2 Preserve my life, for I am godly;
save your servant, who trusts in you—you are my God.
3 Be gracious to me, O Lord,
for to you do I cry all the day.
4 Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
5 For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.
6 Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;
listen to my plea for grace.
7 In the day of my trouble I call upon you,
for you answer me.

8 There is none like you among the gods, O Lord,
nor are there any works like yours.
9 All the nations you have made shall come
and worship before you, O Lord,
and shall glorify your name.
10 For you are great and do wondrous things;
you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, O Lord,
that I may walk in your truth;
unite my heart to fear your name.
12 I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever.
13 For great is your steadfast love toward me;
you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

14 O God, insolent men have risen up against me;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life,
and they do not set you before them.
15 But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me;
give your strength to your servant,
and save the son of your maidservant.
17 Show me a sign of your favor,
that those who hate me may see and be put to shame
because you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

I haven’t really gotten around to posting anything substantial in the past few weeks — but so much has changed, so many good things have happened; just seeing God’s Sovereignty, provision, and abundance of blessings… Praise God!

Not sure when I’ll ‘catch up’ posting ‘everything’ since essays & midterms are right around the corner, but I’ll do it, I promise.

*Spiritually*
Spiritually, I’ve been doing quite well — still going through the quiet wintery season where God hasn’t been saying too much, but doing a lot; building my character & relationship with Him through perseverance — and enduring through the seasons;

As most of you know I’ve been feeling quite a bit dissatisfied with my relationship with God lately… frustration in my pursuit to know Him; But something He’s been teaching me little by little that — in life, even though the destination — the goal is IMPORTANT, the journey there: the means, the working out, the triumphing over barriers, the teary-eyed frustrations — is where you grow.

So rather than fixating my attention on wanting to be better and higher (which is good– but not as a fixation); there is an importance to just rejoice and embrace today — no matter how ’spiritually far away,’ ‘distant,’ or whatever I might feel.

Just like Jesse shared — in Heaven we won’t get to ‘learn’ that God is good, we won’t get to learn that God is faithful even when we are faithless etc..

But yah, However silly, ridiculous, or whatever i might be– God delights in His children — in me, in you, in us; and as we abide in Him; His authority, power, assurance, peace, joy, He - abides in us (:

Life is good, but daddy you are better — lead me closer and deeper; I want more of you~

mmm…
From Sovereign Grace’s i-Magnify Worship Conference.

*Colossians 1:9-14 ESV*

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be *filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding*, 10 so as to *walk in a manner worthy of the Lord*, *fully pleasing to him*, *bearing fruit in every good work* and *increasing in the knowledge of God*. 11 May you be *strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might*, for *all endurance and patience with joy*, 12 *giving thanks* to the Father, who has qualified you to *share in the inheritance* of the saints in light. 13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the *kingdom of his beloved Son*, 14 in whom we have *redemption*, the *forgiveness* of sins.

“Every persecution, insult, blasphemy against Christ/[the Church] is a cry for help” - Dan

I’ve been meaning to blog for the longest time now, got quite a lot to write and share with you about — just in terms of what God has been teaching and working in me these past few weeks since Exams — all these little lessons about Grace & just His sovereign provision and everything, got a little piece about ‘continuing in Grace’ and just a whole bunch of stuff I really want to write about — but either I haven’t had the time, or it hasn’t come to full fruition yet — so I can’t quite seem to get my thoughts and convictions down…

Either way — I’ll make the effort to write more and get all that down here sometime… Till then…

I’m feeling kind of empty & impatient with God, my heart wants to run away in fear — of just him not saying anything… kind of angstsy and wondering at this next change of seasons… like I know God is near, that by His blood I am bought into intimacy and open access to Him — I know he is present and speaking change into my life, just seeing the outflow of His tremendous beautiful work & provision; His loving and Sovereign will unfold in my life

but I guess as i just quiet down… can’t help but feel a deep draft of wanting more… but not getting enough — I’m hungry, thirsty, not satisfied; I’m tired, weary, and feeling directionless.. and just sitting down here and waiting for God… my heart just screams for Him to answer… but silence… waiting… *sighs* what woeful waiting..

like I feel really happy and utterly floored at what God has been doing in midst of this bleak season of ’spiritual winter’ — so much growth & Grace… but I’m really starting to feel weary…

O surrender..
God have mercy.