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*Article:* Adrian Warnock: Reviving Prayer
Encouraging Article.

The above blog post was really encouraging these past few days especially because God has been teaching me to *totally and completely* trust in Him, Knowing that He is Jehovah Jireh - God Our provides! And it is He fills and restores what is empty to what is full and brimming over in the abundance of His Grace.

This school year, other than in inadequacy; God has been teaching me a lot about trusting in Him with my finances. The Holy Spirit would prod at my heart and out of nowhere I’d have that nudge to go and treat someone, or buy them a drink and talk with them. Then through a rapid succession of sermons and conversations, I felt God wanting me to trust in Him more by sponsoring a child with Compassion. Then going to Urbana, not knowing where the money would come from, and having that fully covered in full just the day before..

Then in this past month going to CCF retreat, having my cheque bounce and having to pay for two NSF charges; doubling the cost — and throwing my budget completely off… having everything just dropped into a haze, the money I’d have fallen back on taken away, and even work hours reduced to severe minimal… I don’t even know how I’m going to get to school after next week its ridiculous.., but God will provides.

I feel like a fool writing this here — before knowing what will happen but He has and will!

I feel like all this lacking — be it in skills, experience, job, money all of this God is stirring in me an increase of Faith, and perseverance just to wait up on Him– knowing and seeing my utter lack, my utter helplessness that pushes me to just cling onto Him more –

Just spending time with Him today — He reminded me of the story of the Feeding of the five thousand (thanks Joeie), where the little the little boy had — 5 loaves and 2 fish; Out of faith he gives the little he has to Jesus; and he is left completely empty for a moment, and Jesus multiplies it — and multiples it not only so that the boy and everyone else has enough, but by His Grace he gives in abundance, the scriptures say there were 12 baskets extra –

And thats sort of how I feel in regards to inadequacy / insufficiency for ministry, finances, life, relationship etc.. Its like yah.. I have so little but what I have — God, I have given it to you and now I’m like the little boy anxious, hungry and not having anything, but I wait for you — for I know you will provide, I know you shower your abundance down on me for I am direly in need;

So yah… was praying and playing my guitar and the spirit just prodded this old Vineyard song from 1987 which I don’t even know where I might have heard of.. but mmm so encouraging *hugs* thank you daddy!

*I Will Trust In You*
Danny Daniels

Verse 1:
When I can’t see You, I know You’re here
When I can’t feel You, I will not fear
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid
And when the battle is close at hand
You are with me to help me stand
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid

Chorus:
I will not (I will not) Be afraid (Be afraid)
I will not (I will not) Be afraid (Be afraid)
I will trust in You (I will trust in You)
I will trust in You.

Verse 2:
And when the darkness is closing in
And I am running against the wind
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid
‘Cause when I’m standing upon that shore
And all the battles, they’ve gone before
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid

©1987 Mercy / Vineyard Publishing

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So yah… I really don’t know but wait in anticipation (: I’ll write about how God has provided in abundance.. if you could pray for me that’d be great (:

Haven’t been really getting around blogging these past few weeks, been going through a lot of transition & change in terms of priorities, ‘life arrangement,’ ministry et cetera, and God has been doing tremendous amounts in my life– so despite not blogging and being so overtly transparent; everything is actually going really well, God has blessed me so much and He’s been teaching me a lot this past while..

*Inadequacy*
One of the things Daddy has been bringing out over this past year of CCF has been my sense of inadequacy, and inability in terms of ministry and who I am in the Grace of God, In His Spirit. Being prayer coordinator this year has been really tough for me in terms of trying to find the pragmatic, “how,” or “right” form of leading prayer meetings; while knowing theoretically/theologically that its not by my works, by what creativity I have that people are changed but rather by the Grace of God.

But still after each week of expositing Ephesians, I always felt like there could’ve been “something” I could’ve done or said better– I have a passion for the Word, but unclarity, uncertainty, fear often comes and plagues the mind critical self evaluation… And in my mind I know that ministry/witnessing and all that it *all* comes out of your relationship with God, and I just felt like argh I have so much passion and want for my brothers and sisters to meet with Him and be changed by Him; but my words themselves seem to be dead, and i don’t really see much fruits/feedback; I don’t have music, speaking or really any thing ‘particular’ to facilitate; all i had was my relationship with daddy, the Holy Spirit and my Bible… which is actually pretty much all you need..

But yah coming into this semester, just felt like the last semester felt like a chore, I wanted it to be spirit led like my own personal times with God, but there i found myself slaving away with a commentary, and waiting upon God but after a while just slaving a way trying to pull something out of the Word… falling from dependency on Grace to a reliance of my own effort; taking on the heavy yoke of ministry on myself.. I wanted it to be free flow spirit led — but each time I let go a bit, it slid a bit, and I found myself catching hold… uncertainty.

Going to Urbana, and just coming back — I’ve been reconsidering a lot about Prayer Ministry, a lot about my role, the form pragmatics, and really just my relationship with daddy and ‘how’ i should go about refocusing and relying on His Grace.. in this area of life

So going into retreat — I came to God with that deep sense of inadequacy, and all the uncertainty surrounding it, expecting and anticipating for His answer — for Him to meet with me in this hurting, flailing are of my life… and God came and met with me..

Through the sermons, quiet time, the Word — felt God leading me and guiding me to more fully understand and experience what He has been doing in this rather long season of dessert quietness.

In the session about Anointing, Matt Wan was teaching on Anointing/Baptism of the Holy Spirit, and He touched at the passage of Jesus after being filled with the Spirit was led into the desert place (Luke 4). This for me gave me a glimpse into the broader picture of my life — especially in terms of my ’season’ of just being filled by Him and being led to desert times, times of uncertainty, desperation and need; God is and has been building my character tremendously, teaching me to trust Him regardless of everything; and tho His voice might not be as clear, He is at hand and the fruits of His labor are springing forth.. all this leading up to a calling –

*Anointing* - the qualification of men/women who are appointed/chosen for a specific task. Chosen by God for His purpose. (rough adapted definition)

Matt shared that — in the OT, 3 types of people were annointed:
1. King : for leadership & warfare
2. Priests : for worship
3. Prophets : Preaching the Word, Prophetic Utterance
And in the OT not everyone had access to God or the Spirit of God — the Israelites only had access to these people who act as the mediator;

And Jesus — being the King of Kings, the Great High Priest, A Prophetic and the Divine Son of the Living God receives the full embodiment of the Spirit; each annointing– and He says–

*John 16:13-14 ESV*
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will *guide you into all the truth*, for he will not speak on his own authority, but *whatever he hears he will speak*, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you.

That same Spirit — God; who guides, empowers, and speaks; the operative in Christ’s the Apostles’ ministry is here and now operative in our lives. And as chosen believers who pursue God by the way of Christ we are sealed with His Spirit (Eph 1:13) by Grace (Gal 3:2) — We are called as priests, living *worship* that points and brings everyone to Him, called to be Kings dangerous in warfare - intercessors, prayer warriors, preachers, prophets and the like — His Spirit, His Love taking souls by storm; breaking strongholds and the principalities of this world; We are called as prophets, messengers of the True Living God to this darkworld ushering news of His Kingdom–

Yes - I/we often feel like we don’t know ‘what to do’ or that we are inadequate, fearful or just totally useless or helpless; we might feel that the eyes of the world are watching us to fall and stumble, to crash and burn– and we will! but out of defeat, loss, failure — we rise again for Christ is our deliverer and provider — Jehovah-Mephalti — Jahovah-Jireh!

So in Strength in Weakness, in loss or victory
– let us the same depend and rely on the Lord; for He is Good and He is Faithful
*For The Battle Belongs to the Lord!*

*Praise God!*

Out at retreat this weekend, really looking forward to meeting God with my fellow brothers and sisters this weekend, with One Heart crying out to Him for our lives, each other, our campus — All in one Spirit, One heart before One God — *Lets Gather* before the One Christ, the One Savior, the One Truth, the One Way, the One Life — laying aside all pains, all heartache, all worries, all dreams, aspirations, hopes, coming just as we are to worship, to see, hear, and know the One True and Living God.

For God says –

*Matthew 18:19-20 ESV*
Again I say to you, if two of you *agree* on earth about *anything* they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are *gathered* in my name, there *am I among them*.”

And so we come God, — so I come, and I want you; just more of you Jesus. Not for Gifts, Not for blessings, Not for your Sovereign Provision but to adore you, to know you, to love you; and be loved by you more. Daddy, I want so much for breakthrough; that you would purify my heart, cleanse my hands and bring me deeper and deeper unto you — break the pride that holds firmly to my heart, humble me, mold me make me a man that searches relentlessly for your heart, that exemplifies your love, and pursues you in all his ways; being made complete by your Spirit and your Word for your Name sake.

God I want to live, and be a child that Worships you in all circumstance, to Walk in Your Spirit — like a sheep following in your step; wherever you go, I go.. a life fully surrendered to You. Like a deer thirsty and pants by quiet waters so my soul yearns and wants you Jesus… God I want to meet with You; and I want my brothers and sisters to meet with you — would you break my pride down further, less of me and more of you –
for you give more Grace to the humble and we need you, we need you..

*Come And Listen*
David Crowder

Come and listen come to the waters edge all
You who know and fear the Lord
Come and listen come to the waters edge all
You who are thirsty come
Let me tell you what He has done for me
Let me tell you what He has done for me
He has done for you, he has done for us

Come and listen come and listen
to what He has done
Come and listen, come and listen
to what He has done

Praise our God for He is good
Praise our God for He is good
Praise our God for He is good
Praise our God for He is good
He has done for me
He has done for you
He has done for us

I’ve been feeling pretty ‘good’ lately, life is good, God has been bringing many good things to fruition, pouring out his tremendous blessings and even stirring up a lot in me, specifically perseverance and building up my character despite feeling bla, distant, inadequate, a fool at times.., so most everything has been really good in general, not particularly easy, but very blessed and knowing that God is at hand and working mightily and powerfully.

One thing that has been bothering me for the last year almost has just been the general season of quietness, waiting and waiting upon God — seeking and seeking Him but finding only soft gentle prods or even silence at times… and frustration in me, for my relationship builds and builds because all I want is to be in His embrace, to be carried forth by His Spirit — to run quick, fast, relentless not withholding anything just to follow straight after Him! I want to go DEEPER AND DEEPER! to Seek His Heart — for my life, my campus, my church, my fellowship, my friends, everything — for His Glory!! I want to live a life holy consecrated, pleasing worship to my God!

And as of late its just been bleh.. was finding my appetite for the word grow less and less, my prayers growing dimmer and dimmer — like though all that passion is there it felt like it was started to just get snuffed out and I felt totally out of touch.. like God — I know you’re there but won’t you just speak? just say something!! GOD!!! RAWR! and thats sort of been on and on, with each passing moment in the season — pressing on… persevering, growing tired and weary — still pressing on… and it feels like its been just dragging and dragging… And this morning I was walking to the bus stop and just spending time with daddy and i felt like argh… i feel so shallow in my faith right now… like God has so much more for me, but I am just living in this puddle of unsatisfied..

Where has my spirit of dissatisfied go? where has that passionate heart that cries out in desperation — relentlessly in pursuit of God go? whence has my heart become so dry, calloused, and impassioned?

I was talking to God about all of that… and just feeling frustrated, I got on VIVA and turned on my MD, and found myself listening to C. J. Mahaney’s sermon: Guard, which was on:

*Hebrews 3:12-14 ESV*
12 Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. 13 But *exhort* one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the *deceitfulness of sin*. 14 For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.

And one part of the sermon jumped out at me, was that we cannot fully see or evaluate our sin, we can see other ppls’ but not our own because sin is *deceitful* and a lot of it is so deeply embedded in our human nature that even as Reborn, Regenerated, Spirit led Christians that sin - which has lost its power and dominion in us is still present in us, and it deceives us— sometimes lulling our appetite away on even the most simplest of things…

Then in morning prayer meeting — we’re just praying and Peter shared about how when we come to God, even when we’re tired or weary — we need to ‘wrestle’ with God like Jacob did to claim that blessing, and that spurred a few thoughts in just my own relationship with God, how my prayers seemed to be growing more and more foreign to me, felt like i started spitting out empty words…. lacking that genuine authenticity– that genuine love and relationship… but rather just spitting out pretty words and generic things bleh. (sorry daddy)

Then tonight at CCF — mmm simple program but so powerful, God came and met with me… through Brandon’s mini message, the songs, praying together and crying out to God as one body, one fellowship — just wanted to break down and cry (for those of you who don’t know… i have this problem of not knowing how to cry) but just teary eyed, feeling this deep conviction in my heart that I have not been living in a manner worthy of the Calling, in a manner that fully embraces that true joy and freedom

I have become lukewarm, proud and arrogant — and God resists the proud but he gives more grace to the humble, and lifts him/her up — And I’m just taken a back at my own quiet drifting away and taking my salvation for granted… soo good, to know that God is here, God is near and in midst of the quietness he has never left; but much rather he gives greater grace, and as the Good shepherd leaves me not be when i wander, but He comes to find me—

Praise God!

Last night this morning– I feel this massive shaking in my life and in my heart to all the things that hold place in my life– my relationship with God, my girlfriend, ministry (now), ministry (later), school, finances, job stuff. Like anything important or even remotely important seems to be moving, and the certainty for everything seems like a delicate glass about to fall and slide off and crash to oblivion..

Just seeking God about it — has yielded a few things.. one of the greatest things is my identity of who I am — a beloved, child of God, saved — purified and changed by his awesome Grace; More than a Conqueror having not a spirit of fear but of love power and a sound mind… which I know and believe; but there seems to be this mass disconnect with who I know I am theoretically / theologically / heart-wise and pragmatically.

A lot of stirring up on my character — being an introvert, and very much socially inexperienced the whole notion of ‘leading’ whether it be preaching, praying, leading a program comes and begs me this impossible question of “how?” I have nothing — no experience, no creative know how; and it just seems like I’m stumbling around wanting to worship, wanting to love Him but not having the skills or abilities to put that passion into my ’serving’ ministry… *frustrations*

I know its not about what I do, and even when i gauge or ‘judge’ myself– its not about how much feedback i get, how much change i see but its God that grows — like what Jesse was sharing; Its not about me! and my worth, value, and ability shouldn’t rest on whether i am able to say the ‘right things’ — but on Christ Alone.

As Paul wrote:

*1 Corinthians 1:27 ESV*
But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;

Not so much about ’shaming’ the strong’ but more in my weaknesses, my brokenness i know that God is at work most powerfully be it in me and for me, or in other and for others — i am at the very least of me, and who i am…

Just yah… feeling very shaken in all areas — storms have come again; and God is at work! Great times of testing & change ahead… and I will count it all Joy

Father — Daddy,
as emotionally overwhelmed and weary I feel you promise your people that they will soar up on wings like eagles; In midst of the storm they will overcome and though the thunder roars, and waves crash; and all in the world seems shaken; they are trembling for God you are moving, you are working.. when all else changes you remain the same: my ever sure Rock, my salvation, my provider, my helper, my rescuer in times of trouble, you are God — and Lord of me; you sustain and hold me your in your eyes… you never let me go

Praise You Jesus! Glory to the highest, the King of Kings
my life as a whole I give to you.. for your worship, for your renown.
In Christ,
Amen

*There Is None Like You*
Lenny LeBlanc

There is none like You
No one else can touch
My heart like You do
I could search
For all eternity long and find
There is none like You

Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes from Your hands
Suffering children are safe in Your arms
There is none like You

©1991 Integrity’s Hosanna! Music

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“Don’t judge your day by how much harvest you reap, but by how many seeds you sow” - Jesse Surdirgo