humbled
I’m not sure what to write, but today has been such a humbling day. Seeing and experiencing God’s grace in choosing me a sinner, a slave who once with out hope, condemned in sin — called out to be a child, an heir, a servant, a leader. To partake with my God in being part of His story at York, at CCF.
I don’t know what to say. I’m not particular excited, or particularly fearful; Just a quiet anticipating peace, waiting for Him to come, waiting for more of my Lord — that I might be filled with more of Him to commune in His Spirit and do the work He has called me to.
Today, I felt really tired during the day — reading Ephesians praying and seeking God for His direction for prayer meeting and it felt like nothing was coming together. After the attacks of discouragement, despair, self pity, and doubt — I have been feeling that He’s been so far away, so distant; like He’s just not saying anything. But whatever, God is near, He is faithful and His love endures forever. So going into prayer meeting — I had one verse he had given me two weeks ago:
*1 Corinthians 14:26 ESV*
What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up.
Speaking of orderly worship — in just coming together as one body, in one spirit to worship the one True Living God. Just trusting in His Word — and was so encouraged by each of the sharings, the songs.. the desire to seek His Heart regardless of the distance, despite the loneliness.
*God is so Good!*
I’m learning to let go bit by bit and just trust in Him & His Word.
Then during program the Grads & David sharing their bit of CCF history, and admonishing us to keep seeking God, sharing how God has powerfully moved and grown them in their brief walk with CCF — catching glimpse of that bigger picture, of God’s sovereign hand on CCF, on each member leading us onwards..
And the chair elections, the prayer commissioning — the whole fellowship praying over us, giving their support and approval; affirming that call that God has quietly put in my heart these last two months.
It’s just all very humbling, what can I say. I know my many faults, my fears, my feelings of inadequacy; yet still God has brought me near into His embrace, called me to this position. The body of Christ — CCF, affirming in that call, that tight embrace of prayer and love from these dear brothers and sisters.
*sighs* Praise God — His Grace is more than enough.
daddy, Lord —
I want and need more of you God, for you to fill me, to change me to renew me. I want to give you my heart — with all its dreams, worries, fears, and doubts; all of me God surrendered to all of you. Lord, I lift this charing position and CCF back up to you. For what can I do? I am but a man, a sinner — saved by your grace. Lord I feel helpless, but I know that you have called me to this and I commit this to you. For your glory in our lives, on our campus. Would you meet with us, and let us be wholly changed in your love, in knowing and trusting you. Daddy I need you, we need you — take this, take me and let us be a pleasing worship to you. Its all for you. All for you Jesus.
In Christ, Amen.