Renewal..
Well its been a nice long month since my last substantial post, lots has been happening but I haven’t really been getting around to blogging much. Lots and lots of busyness - not so because I don’t care about my journal, just got 24 hours 7 days a week — tons and tons of other important things to do. But whatever, its June now, new server, slightly new layout - and lots to catch up on.
Lately I’ve been learning a lot about just being myself again, and being loved by God - and living by that simple truth of God loves me, I love God - and in the finished work of the Cross is my victory. Everything else is extra. Simple lesson that God has been teaching me this past while — but I’m taking the longest time to fully soak in, without making it complicated and legalistic or ‘religious.’
Learning that God loves me just as I am and though I often strive to do things ‘well’ or get the best, that its really “ok to fail” to make mistakes and the lot. Even when there are so many social conventions, norms, and pressures to act a certain way — things that are traditionally acceptable and disapproved; That it is much better just to be me to be authentic, to be real, sincere and transparent than to get everything idealistically perfect. And from those mistakes, from those failures to pick up again — learn and move on.
(Note: I’m not saying its ok to go sin, and to just learn from your mistakes and go on living like that, but for those gray areas — the “how” God gives us grace to explore those new areas, work out our understanding of who He is. And those things he delights / is displeased with. Obedience.)
Christianity is primarily having a genuine, intimate relationship with Christ, not so much a life style, a set of behaviors or moral / ethical ‘goodness.’ Holiness, striving for good character, living uprightly in a righteous manner is important, and is the fruit that characterizes one who has a genuine relationship with Jesus. But it is never the primary focus. If it is, then how different is the Church to the Pharisees that in the old days had the Scripture, had ‘right’ behavior all set and everything? There is no difference at all. Because right behavior is not the goal or end point. This would totally miss the heart of God.
Which from the whole of scripture cries out — that He wants a relationship with us. For us to know Him and be known by Him.
Hosea 6:6 ESV
For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,
the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.
So something that I’m struggling with is to break free from the more conservative traditional mindset that though good and wise at times instills fear / legalism. And rather just be real. Completely Abandoned in His love — to operate by His grace — yet hold to the unchanging Truths of Scripture. Something along the lines of the Conservative theology, Liberal practice, that Mark Driscoll is so oft quoted.
Maybe I’m being a bit “postmodern,” but that is this generation — that is me. But really - whats the point of being “perfect” when that isn’t me? Much better to be a tax collector, a prostitute, a lame man, a leper, etc.. than a religious pharisee.
Mark 2:17 ESV
And When Jesus heard it, he said to them ” those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous but sinners.”
Rather than the fear of ‘falling from grace’ or ‘what action is right or wrong’ or what I “should or should not do” just to dive more fully into the depths of His love — and letting that overflow to my thinking, actions, words — transformed unto His likeness that more might know Him through His work.
Idealistically, theoretically, theologically - thats all easily said. But in terms of reality, its kinda strenuous trying to rethink and life that operates in grace, without the legalistic ‘restrictions’ all the while having parents pressure you another direction. Further, the conservative safe ‘Sunday school’ truths make you wary and fearful of going some other way..
So I guess rather than try to figure all that — and balance, just finding renewal in loving God and being loved by God — keeping it simple.