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A Quick Thank you for everyone who prayed and supported me through this past weekend’s retreat, which went pretty good actually.

Its interesting, going into my shall we say ‘first’ speaking engagement, felt a lot of peace from God and though I wasn’t fully sure exactly what to say, just felt that confidence of His Presence and His Sovereignty in every word that I said. Kinda interesting just being in the ‘flow’ of His Spirit — and letting what he has taught me come out of the overflow of where His Spirit leads me to in my mind/neural networks of ideas / concepts.

Over the past few days of rest, I find my mind constantly going back to my sermon and realizing I missed this segment, or that segment — and through just some time with God, just realizing that in preaching in spoken conversation — its ok to not get every little point in, but maybe certain concepts / points God wants to delay or reveal later on. I was thinking about Jesus and his sermons which are comprised mostly (if not all?) of parables, where He says the basic idea, but it is the Holy Spirit that reveals the deeper things of God to those who are hungry, to those who genuinely sincerely seek the Kingdom of God.

So sort of a different angle I guess — than the usual “must get every point down” approach, much more free flow. Kinda fun preaching and sharing those things which God has lain on my heart for so long… and hearing how it inspires my fellow brothers and sisters.. kinda encouraging.

I was soaking in Psalm 139 over the weekend — and trying to learn that God truly is everywhere, and I can go to the heavens, or the depths of sheol and still His presence is there — His hand ever sustaining and protecting me.

So cheers to obedience, God is breaking strongholds which I would never have thought would be broken. I remember when I was younger I was showering and wondering what I wanted to do when I grew up. I thought of Pastor and shunned the idea because of the public speaking, and made an inner vow to God I’d be anything but that — So kinda fun to see that breaking off, and learning to trust God in this area a bit more too ~

*cheers*

Learning to obey in the specific things - e.g. go and spea, and rely on God for revelation, breakthrough, words, success.

CCF Retreat this weekend, and God has called me to speak in one of the sessions — I don’t know what exactly God wants me to speak about, what topics, passages etc.. But I know that the same God over my relationship, over my finances and my academics, who is every faithful and steadfast in His love, His deliverance, and Provision — is the same God who reigns in my ministry, and in this area of my life –

mmmm - was just reminded of this:

Psalm 23:3-4 NKJV
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Obedience to God, wholehearted surrender to Him — often leads us into hard uncertain places, where we feel God is leading us like sheep to the slaughter, like He is leading us into harm but His Word says - His plans for us are to prosper us, and not to harm us (Jer 29:11), So though it feels like we are totally led into a place where it feels like the ’shadow of death’ — where knowing ourselves, our weakness — we feel lots and lots of insecurity; that very path is a path of righteousness - because it is a path of faith (however little we might feel we have) and just like Abraham, His faith was accounted to Him as righteousness.

And as we obey — as we believe, and trust in His promises, as we abide in Him, we know with confidence that He abides in us - Christ is the vine, and we are the branches, if we abide in the vine which is the living water — the living nourishment, and the source of life, we can’t help but flourish, and grow. Perfect Love drives out fear, for fear has to do with punishment - we fear no evil, because we are secure, in God’s love, God’s intimacy. No matter what others say or do — we are secure, and found righteous by the blood of Jesus. It is by that sacrifice, where the lamb of God was slain, the middle veil was torn — and His presence, glory, and intimate place — the temple, sent out amongst the people –

That he would reveal His heart and His presence to each one of us individually

Acts 2:17 NKJV
‘In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.

So everything we need — we have, for we have the Living Reigning Loving God dwelling within us. And by His Spirit — He gives us understanding into the Father’s Heart, by opening to us the truth found within His Word.

Praise God!
Please pray for me… I really don’t know what to say — tho daddy does, and he will teach me what to say. thanks.

I was listening to a few sermons today on waiting on the Lord (Isaiah 40:31) and prophetic stuff — and really felt God calling me back to intimacy with Him. I’ve been feeling kinda far and distant from Him lately from all the busyness + exams and things, and I realize most of it all has just been my neglecting to put priority into finding time to block off a period of time just to encounter the True and Living God. I’ve done a lot of ‘devos’ and bible studies and what not — but lately from all the busyness I just feel I haven’t really ‘wasted’ much time with God, haven’t really come to His throne for the sake of Him. Instead its like I’ve built up a intercessory fortress/tower in my room where I do battle and seek the things of God — which are good, but the heart of it all is to Know, intimately KNOW God!

And God has just been putting on my heart that I’ve been claiming all these promises, trusting Him with my relationship, finances, a new laptop, academics, ministry etc. etc.. but I haven’t really come to His throne to seek Him, His heart — just to be with Him, sit in His presence and be filled up.

So today has really just getting back to that… after all, at the end of the day — what really matters is our relationship with God, all the works, marks, relationships, memories, material things are secondary.

But what is of utmost priority is to be fully satisfied on Him — that way as we ‘tune to His voice’ and as our heart beats with His, as He lines our ways to His we will be sensitive to His voice and do those specifics that He has for us to do; rather than all the busyness / extraneous things which are not even important/lasting. And the fears of man, and the desires of the flesh — all that will fade away, as we  become more romanced, and enthralled at the beauty, greatness, graciousness, mercifulness of our God

I remember back in first year — how my heart was so set on wanting more of God, and wanting just to go deeper in His love, deeper into His truths, and deeper into His Spirit — just that full blown abandonment to His love, that nothing else mattered. Just waking up each day to His presence, going on campus continually interceding and listening for his direction — and constantly being in awe of His love for me. My heart was so set on not settling for anything less than the perfect prize of knowing the Father, and obedience to His Spirit. No video games, tech blogs, homework, friendships/relationship — could take me away from being fully satisfied on His love. Because that alone was sustenance, that alone was good! God alone is good!

And spending sometime with God today and praying that he would deepen my desire for Him, that He would woe me again into His love; that I might be fully saturated in His love, and my life would be completely in His hands — that wherever he leads me I will obey and go, and that I might be on fire and completely sold to Him, really rewoke my desire, my hunger — and just my want to see Him at work in such a tangibly powerful way again.
Looking back, I really miss those times — just being soo floored and in awe of Him, being set so free — and carried by His Spirit wherever He would bring me. Not to think of that as a ‘certain’ level that defines my ’spirituality’ but that I have gone so deep, I have tasted and seen — but a glimpse of His love, and I know God has so much more in abundance for me too, sort of shakes up my imagination.

Sure I might not ‘feel’ as intune with God as I did first year — but I know so very much more of His love, I understand so much more about the Father’s heart and love for me. So I’m kinda looking forward to what God has in store this coming year. I know I’ve started this year with a great load of ambition to see revival, to see CCF encounter God personally, passionately, and powerfully in their lives and on campus; but I also know I’ve started this year with a bit of bitterness and grumbliness against God; not seeing His sovereign provision in this — but rather at all the areas in my life that were still hurting or underdeveloped.

John Arnott, the founding pastor of TACF spoke at North York today, and one of the things he mentioned at the beginning of his sermon, was for us to shift our focus from the ‘greatness’ of our problems, and revert our focus back to the GREATNESS OF GOD. That the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit dwells/abides in me, lives within me — works with me through everything. Its no longer I, who is striving to make a place or do a great work/impact in this world/society. But Almighty God - who works with and through me, and thus it is a Supernatural work.

Pastor John Arnott also spoke about God teaching us to be fisher of men. And God has really been bringing that up for me — and my lukewarmness in my Christian walk. In Luke 5:1-11, Jesus calls Simon (Peter), and upon performing the miraculous work of an overabundance of fish — Peter falls to His knees in confession of his sins and Jesus as Lord; and Jesus tells him not to be afraid, and that he (Peter) would be a fisher of men. Likewise, I feel that God has really been expanding my heart — individually and corporately for CCF. To just GO and make disciples of all nations. To no longer be stuck in our Christian bubbles, but to intentionally, prayerfully go out into the harvest — and make non-Christian friends, and share God’s love and blessings with them. Like I read today:

John 4:35 ESV
Do not say, ‘there are yet four months, then comes the harvest’? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest.

So inline with that — I just feel like I really want to get back to the heart of God, I want my heart to break for those things His heart breaks for. I want God to be my sole/soul satisfaction, that as I step out in faith — He would show up, and blow me away with His greatness, and I’m not satisfied to see this only in a prayer meeting or fellowship — but I want to see this in the harvest too!