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Psalm 37 — just a great comfort, for all the chaos that has collided with my life in the last 24 hours. I’ve been spending most of my time trying to work on my paper which is due tomorrow at 9, went to Church last night and on my drive back I hear a siren and those luminous red blaring lights behind me and I get pulled over for having one of my headlights out. Conveniently it was also the first day I left my wallet & drivers’ license at home, so I get 2 tickets - one for having a busted headlight, and another for failure to provide a valid drivers license. Pretty silly. Then today woke up early to get the head light fixed and my tickets cleared… only to find the garage placed booked so I had to schedule it to Thursday. Went to the ticket place and that as always has a huge line up.. so after 2 hours of driving around… I end up just going back to work… cause it’d just be too much time wasted…

All that packed with the busy schedule of 3 papers + 1 exam in the next 10 days — and leaving for HK…  yum..

I was spending time with daddy on the subway / 196 –
and the verse:

Psalm 118:24 ESV
This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

came to mind… and just felt like all of this — “coincidental” mishaps are just an attack from Satan, to spoil my joy and try to throw me off as I trust Him and head over to HK.

But Satan is defeated, and He has no power over me. God is BIGGER — and He will deliver me… Last week when I was spending time with God, He highlighted Psalm 34 and Psalm 37 to me; and Psalm 34 spoke lots and lots to me last week, Psalm 37 pulling me through today…. so stress / school is piling up –

But God is my refuge, my strong tower, my deliver who is faithful to provide –
If I lose money, time, whatever.. its ok God will return it in multiple fold
Trusting in His promises…

First snow for Winter 2007 in Toronto, and outside the roads, houses, trees are all covered with that wonderful white fluffy stuff called snow *yum* haha!

Today is November 22, 2007 which marks 2 years since Passion Toronto 2005, and just the month where God began to overthrow and revolutionalize my life and understanding of who he is. So two years later — now, just looking back soo much soo much has changed, and I don’t even know where to begin, just Praise God
I know I haven’t written much this year, so its kinda hard to trace back to all the things God has been teaching me this year — but feels like a spiritual season of struggling, and stepping out into a lot of things which I’m uncomfortable in (e.g. chairing, speaking etc..). Which although not as ‘fun’ and ‘passion’ filled and stuff — is really pushing me and growing me in understanding who God is and understanding His sovereignty far surpasses those areas that I have already surrendered to Him. That even in weakness, even in immaturity that the same God over those other areas is the same faithful, loving God is in these areas too — so just learning to trust Him more.. (I’ll probably go into more detail on some of these a little later)

Otherwise — quick update, I’ve just been walking in tremendous amount of blessings and favor lately… For those of you who don’t know, I was planning to go to HK this coming summer, but God moved things up and I got a scholarship / early exam schedule so gonna head over to HK with Mavis for the Christmas to meet her parents and get a while retreat and rest some.

Missing you kids at Jaffray tremendously tho –

Its November already, and 3rd year is quickly zipping by… and I can’t help but feel that there has been something missing in my life these last two years… as compared to my first. I know my theology and previous experience shouldn’t define and restrict how God is going to work in me… but for the longest time as I’ve wrote before — there’s just this continual feeling of dissatisfaction to my spiritual life that was absent in my first year in University whence God was just blowing me away in every area of my life. And each day I would just come home and long and yearn to be in His presence..

My mind feels numb and bored lately, I’m finding myself more and more looking at those primitive things that I used to look at — tech blogs (think tabloids for geeks etc), which although nothing wrong in itself, shows signs that my heart is not fully satisfied in Him, and that I am searching and looking for something to satisfy my soul.. something to fill up the ‘God shaped’ hole in my life… and God being the great big God He is, that hole in my life seems to swallow anything and everything I try to throw at it… just a vast empty vacuum trying to drink out of an undying thirst; that is quenchable only by the Living Water that is Christ.

I’ve been wondering why, since the beginning of first year… and the other night just before as I was closing my eyes to sleep, the picture of a red book popped into my mind, and I felt God telling me to pick up and read Mike Bickle’s Passion for Jesus, Cultivating Extravagant Love for God, which I had ‘randomly’ purchased this summer to get a discount off Amazon.

So I’ve been reading the book since Thursday / Friday, and being reminded much of what my pursuit was in First year that birthed in me such passion, and yearning — for one purpose, and one purpose alone; which was simply to KNOW GOD! To cultivate a intimate love relationship with Him, to draw near to Him, to seek to know Him, held so close to His heart, that His thoughts, character, Heart would begin to conform to mine. To understand the mind and heart of my God. Just as David, A Man After God’s own heart — despite his busyness running the kingdom, fighting wars etc.. had one sole purpose:

Psalm 27:4 NKJV
One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.

To be in the presence of the Lord, to dwell in His house, to Behold the beauty — To Seek His Heart first and foremost, before all the busyness…

I feel like after being blown away by God in my first year — that these last two years have been much harder. Why? I think that out of my pride, I have felt like I learned so much, gained so much that it was my time to give, to pour out into others. Yet while pursuing that I have neglected my first love, and rather than continue in that love, in that Spirit of Grace to knowing God more in that deep way — I have picked up everything I’ve learned and tried to give it to others without further intimate knowledge  of my God, and Bridegroom King. Not to say I have not gotten to know Him more these past few years, I have very much — but I have neglected to Sabbath rest, neglected His heart… and continued on my zeal… which alone is powerless to bring revival and the renewing of our minds.

I have worked, I have sought, I have waited for fresh revelation… but I think I missed one of the core things — to wait upon the Lord, to rest and be changed in His Holy Presence…

Daddy, Come and draw me after you - my heart has grown cold, I have come out of touch with your heart, and the things that your passion burns for. I long and yearn to come into your courts, to come into your presence again, but I cannot without a fresh revelation of your love for me, I love because you first love me.. so will you draw me into your intimacy again, romance me, enthrall me, let me behold your glory — hold me in your grace, envelope my heart with your perfect love… Daddy I want you, and I’m tired of trying to get to you — I know I cannot, but Jesus you have done it all… so please Lord draw me after you — I want to know you, I want to see your face, I want to hear your voice — I want to seek your heart, your presence, your glory, your renown. Come daddy take all of me again — fill me with more of you; less of me and more of you — secure me in your love, would you bring the first commandment to first place into my heart again… I surrender completely..

Lots of exams and things this past while –
So I’ll write on this topic later… gotta study ~

God is telling me to REST tho.