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“But a Jew is one inwardly, and circumcision is a matter of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter. His praise is not from man but from God.” Romans 2:29 ESV

Since coming back from HK, I’ve had the verse Romans 2:29 on my phone’s background, just reminding me that everything I do especially in the area of ministry — is not for man, but for God alone. And added with everything I wrote earlier in December, I’ve been learning to take joy in ministry again rather than being bitter remembering that God is for me and not against me, that every time I pray, I speak, I share, or listen — God has anointed and appointed me at this specific moment in history to bring His love, and His kingdom to everyone whom my life intersects with right now. Also remembering grace — that its not about my own self trying to make this ‘ministry,’ but simple childlike obedience to what he has shown me. My Focus is solely to Know the Father, and bring His glory to everyone.

So I’m still learning that.. and one of the songs I’ve learnt from TACF has really been encouraging me and helping me see that — I Just Want You Lord

I Just Want You Lord

I’ve looked into the world
I’ve looking into the stars
There is no one like you, God

I’ve tried it on my own
I’ve tried to do things my way
I just can’t live without you, God

I’m ready to listen
Ready to follow
Ready to give my life

I just want you Lord
You’re all that i want
You’re all that i need

I just want you Lord
There is no one else like you
I can’t live without you, God.

Words and music by Jon Long.

So overall in this area of ministry God is teaching me a lot..
Its interesting that as you embark on a new revelation with God — that challenges and things pertaining to that exact thing you’re learning always pop up… and I suppose thats why I feel a bit blue. Learning to speak and taking lead — come into “confrontation” of people who may not agree or see the exact same things, and when majority sways it — then thats the direction we steer in. Silly democratic process… so sometimes I get a bit down on that — when it seems like my opinion is ignored or shrugged… but thats ok, God fights my battles for me — I simply convey what I think.

Another thing.. I guess its kind of disappointing when one of your closer buddies / brothers seems to be really bitter whenever you’re trying to either prepare or do ministry. From small snide remarks like “Whats the point on speaking? No one listens anyways” to telling me to leave the prayer meeting which I’m leading… I don’t really know why he says those things, but I know that God dwells in me, and His Kingdom is in me. He loves me and no matter what anyone says or does — I am secure in His love. I’m reminded of the verse in 1 Samuel 8:7

1 Samuel 8:7
And the LORD told him: “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.

Rejection is not directed to me as a person — but to not acknowledge the authority that God has given me.

So.. Daddy I just want to forgive and release my brother for his hurtful words, and I ask that you would be with him — through whatever bitterness or apathy whatever is troubling him. I ask that you would continue to sustain me with joy, and the reassurance of your faithfulness — that through all trial, disappointment, frustration… I might remain faithful, and continue to delight in your presence. You good, and your love endures forever. thanks, in Christ, Amen.